Moving on with my life!

[bright_new_day]

She says whoever is in the pictures...Mommy, baby, Daddy, brother, sister, etc. I just get really tense when she says his name. Its an honor to be a Dad. He doesn't respect that honor and it sucks for her.

Yes, he doesn't deserve it and it does suck, but he is her dad. You don't have to help him be a better father, but don't try to stop him either. It is a fine line to walk. One thing I have tried to do is remain neutral regarding my X and the kids. I do not bad-mouth him in front of them, but I also no longer try to make him look better in their eyes, which I did when we were married. I went out of my way to help their relationships with him in the past. Now I know that is his responsibility.

[25yearsmlc]

Doing decent with the boundaries. Exh sent a text in the morning yesterday wanting to come and see baby. Not his day so I sent one back saying I couldn't this morning. No response from him.

You probably need to let him know that he cannot visit because it is not his day. Make it very clear that he needs to adhere to the agreed upon schedule.

Agreed. Firm, calm reminder of....something called "REALITY"...
j-

[Startingover2]

OMG..he just walked all over my boundary!

Visit time is from 3-6.
2:08 Exh: Are you home?
2:09 Me: Yes, but she is sleeping.

Baby woke up at 2:15. I was in her room when I hear my d18 answer the door and exh walks in! I went out there with baby and was shocked and asked him what he was doing? He said something smart** like "oh, yeah shes sleeping!" I said she just woke up and its not time yet. He said "oh I gotta do this and that (stuff for other kids)so I have to see her now. I just turned and walked away. He spent 10 minutes here with her and left and when he left he sorta slammed the door. I am sure he didn't like me asking what he was doing. I didn't say 5 words to him when he was here.

Uggh...he makes me so mad. So best case scenario was he was going to come here while she was sleeping and sit and wait or wake her up!

[Reincarnated]

Next time you get a text "Are you home?" either ignore it or answer back "visitation is from 3 to 6."
What a turd.

[bright_new_day]

You need to send him an e-mail ASAP! Copy the court ordered schedule in it and tell him that he can no longer come to your home at any time other than those listed! He has no concept of reality!

[Startingover2]

Both great ideas. I was just caught off guard and my d18 was standing right there too I was tongue tied.

What a jerk. What if I was expecting my hot boyfriend that looks like Brad Pitt? How akward would that have been? LOL

[bright_new_day]

Yes, he definitely needs to constantly be reminded of his scheduled time, and you need to reaffirm that those times are the ONLY times he can come visit.

[25yearsmlc]

Yes, he definitely needs to constantly be reminded of his scheduled time, and you need to reaffirm that those times are the ONLY times he can come visit.

Sad, but true. Do it as calmly as possible b/c it's pretty hard to accuse someone of being mean/bi#$%@ when they're calm. Texts messages don't always convey it but so what? You're saying the TRUTH which he knows...frankly I think you've been very patient. When will he process this reality? When will he accept the boundary the LAW has set and live by rules like the rest of us? Oh, never? Well on THIS one little thing you actually do control, make him...not to be a jerk but to enforce a healthy boundary. This isn't some arbritrary control issue of yours making him dress her a certain way or you making him go thru hoops that don't make sense. THIS IS BASIC stuff.

A court granted him limited, supervised visits which MOST inconveniences YOU and has he apologized for that, or accomodated that truth? NO! Oh no, he's a victim and a self centered prig....come on, keep it up and remind yourself this is not a jail sentence he got (but could have by the way). This is just the floor, the bottom of expectations--"obey the law buddy"--to see HIS child, and he needs to stop blowing it, being late & pushing the envelope every chance he gets, whining and hemming and hawing and being a baby with the "WAH! I don't want to see MY child now b/c the other kids are playing and I wanna play with THEM NOW too, not when I'm supposed to, or agreed to, but NOW...---or NEVER~~(Stomp stomp!!)---or whenever I want!!! b/c it's all about MEMEMEME ME ME!!!"


God, I would probably laugh at him in lieu of going crazy with anger. He's so wildly inappropriate that you could enter several of his antics in our "Crazy WAS's" contest....
which reminds me....
Long ago a bf of mine (NOT H) whom I dearly loved and had dated over a year, broke my heart badly, & broke up with me for a new gf/ow. We were on a date! Only minutes after telling me of the break up, he made advances to do some serious making out, or MORE--for old time's sake??...and I withdrew...then he asked with total sincerity, "Oh great, is THAT going to put a damper on the whole evening?" Even in my misery, I KNEW I'd recall that line word for word, ya know? Sometimes stuff happens, and you think to yourself, "Someday, I'm going to laugh at this..."

And I do. Several of my gf's and I sat down one night and compared notes and were laughing at what had once been the most painful experiences we'd had...Sounds wacky to you now, but you have some real doozies (sp?) from your former h. I always stress the "former h" part of his title. I do that on purpose. I think you know why...
Thank God for clarity, and it's nice that he keeps revealing his pathology to you. It gives you clarity.

So yeah, detach, move on, GAL, and carry on. You are "getting" it and someday you will laugh at this...(well, at least parts of it)

J-

[Startingover2]

So yeah, detach, move on, GAL, and carry on. You are "getting" it and someday you will laugh at this...(well, at least parts of it)

J-

Let's hope I can look back at this and laugh. At least just give a head shake LOL

Last night my friend came over (the one who lost her son last summer). She looks fantastic. I was sort of expecting something a bit different, but she always looked good. She said she lives on the denial bus and hasn't really accepted her son's death until just recently. He died in July and she gave herself until January and then decided she needed to make herself move on. She also has 3 other grown kids as well as a son who is 8. We talked a bit about him and his name kept popping up in the conversations. I felt so bad. I cannot even imagine what she is going through.

Exh is due this morning for a visit. I am thinking about excusing myself to work on my school while he is here.

[bright_new_day]

Exh is due this morning for a visit. I am thinking about excusing myself to work on my school while he is here.

Excellent idea. Use that time to your advantage! No playing family with him, let him visit with baby while you get something done for you! I don't remember you ever saying what you were studying.