The last thing I want to mention is that you can't detach from your SO if you see her twice a day. Some men have to learn to do it even living under the same roof....but I don't think you can get through this as long as you are seeing her every day. My suggestion is that you set a visitation schedule that is fair to both parents and to the child. B/c of this R being like it is at this time, you need a person as your "go between". Either your SO's father,or his GF, or somebody you can depend upon to deliver your D3 to your house. The point is to keep your SO completely away from you. If she needs to relay a message to you, then she needs to send that message through the "go between" person. The same applies to you sending her messages. So far, too many messages have been sent back and forth that were not necessary. That is why your statement about contacting only in an emergency was a hoot. She pays no attention to things like that b/c you have not enforced it. When she contacted you, you wanted to remind her that that was not an emergency, but instead you handled it incorrectly. BTW, repaying her with the treatment she hands to you...is not a boundary, okay?
After a person is designated as the go-between, then all TM's from your SO can be ignored. If you cannot ignore her.....then you are simply lost! That is the first thing you must do!
Do not allow her to come inside and plop down on the couch to chit-chat! Stop all of that. You don't know how to handle the situtation and she takes control.
Of all your advice this is the the part that alarmed me the most. I havent seen her since Wednesday afternoon and already its hard. The thought of not seeing or hearing from her at all puts a lump in my stomach. But I will still start thinking about it.
I would have to figure out the schedule...currently she gets D3 in the morning and drops her off in the afternoon except for Thursday when I have her all day and Friday nights whens he has her all day. Perhaps one week with me and one week with her. But then there would still be good-night calls to D3 where I would be in contact with my ex either week for a few seconds...others here have said to disallow those calls would be punishing D3 and I tend to agree. Of course making D3 go a week without seeing one or the other of us could also be hard on D3.
I will have to think more on this. I see the healing advantage truely having no contact with her would have for me, but D3 is already starting to show small signs of distress at the situation so I've got to figure out how not to compound it.
Originally Posted By: sandi2
Don't start thinking about "her" rights to be there. She gave those rights away when she chose to leave. You need to have the locks changed and don't even ask for her keys.
I actually changed the locks the other day. She may not have noticed as the new locks look similar to the old ones.
