Puppy, I love the new abbrev. FWB. I will be exposing A to OWH tonight, and working my hardest at detaching from my H. I can't do this while he is halfheartedly committed. I need his full commitment.
Together 16 years Married 12 years Me 36 H 34 D9 & S6 Separated 12/3/09 Confirmed A 1/25/10 Exposed A 1/26/10 H hired L, but not filed yet 1/27/10
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
Seen H Wednesday night and he tried to trap me into a fight. On Monday, he tells me he wants to try to see if we can work it out, and then by Wednesday he says he is done again. He started to try to talk about R, I walked away, and of course, he followed me. He eventually broke me down (I hate him for that) and I told him that I can’t work this out as long as he is still talking to OW. “But she is just a friend, the only one I can talk to about us”, he said. I replied with it was his decision whether to continue a relationship with her or not, but I will be no part of it.
At midnight the same night, he texts me: I’m sorry. I am lost and I handled tonight wrong. I do love u I’m just hurt. We need to find away to communicate without hurting each other.
The next day he calls me and said how he doesn’t know what to do to fix our M. I told him again that I couldn’t as long as he is talking to OW. He keeps telling me that he doesn’t believe that I really love him, and he is scared I will kick him out again and tell him I don’t love him (which I have done in the past). He said this is where he doesn’t trust me. My IC said when he says these to me; it’s his way of telling me he doesn’t trust me not to hurt him again, and that I should reassure him. He also said he can’t remember the last time we were happy, with which I gave him some examples and he agreed. I told him I didn’t believe he could remember the good times because all he can do is dwell on the bad times. He finally said maybe we can start by sending nice texts to each other a few times a day, so he sent me one that said, “You’re a great mom”. I replied with “I like your smile and you looked very handsome last night”. He replied, “You looked really good too”.
Tried to track down OWH on Wed, and was unable too. They have no house phone, only cell phone, and I can’t get that number. He’s not on FB or anywhere else. Any ideas on how I can get his cell phone#?
I do believe that the OW is pressuring my H to leave me and their phone calls have gone from 20 min to 2-5 min long. It appears that she is the only one trying to stay in contact with her calling him.
Together 16 years Married 12 years Me 36 H 34 D9 & S6 Separated 12/3/09 Confirmed A 1/25/10 Exposed A 1/26/10 H hired L, but not filed yet 1/27/10
mb28, it sounds like you're doing really well. It sounds like your H is getting the message, even if you're not doing it "perfectly". Could you drop off a letter at the OWH's house or work? Personally I think that phoning is kind of intrusive and puts a person on the spot. If I was learning that info I would NOT want to be phoned and I would feel mistrust about the motivations of the person phoning.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
flowmom, My problem with informing the OWH is that I don't know where they live or where he works. And they have no home phone. All my info about the OW I got when I had my H FB & email passwords. So I know her cell number and email. Other then her H's name, I know nothing else about him, they are unlisted in the phone book. I've googled him and and found nothing. I think what I'm going to start trying to do is track down his family members to see if I can get a phone number for him.
Together 16 years Married 12 years Me 36 H 34 D9 & S6 Separated 12/3/09 Confirmed A 1/25/10 Exposed A 1/26/10 H hired L, but not filed yet 1/27/10
