Another thing to think about and something that you may consider working on is how much energy you channel towards making assumptions.
I don't think there are many people that do feel a POSITIVE reaction to divorce. Right now though it is very much your reality.
You have two threads that hold assumption after assumption about your H. How you assume his lack of positive role models is a negative in his life. How you assume he is having a MLC just because you read a list and it seems to be a fit. How you assume his financial issues are a root problem and so on. Hell, maybe he just is a jerk and doesn't want to be married anymore. See how assuming does no good?
Then you assumed above so much about divorced mothers and really, seeing how many divorced mothers there are on this site who work their ass off to feel okay it is a bit offense to read something like that.
It seems you tie your happiness deeply to outside R's with other people and not the R you have with yourself.
You say your childhood pain colors your perceptions. Well, what if your H told you the pain he felt in the marriage is coloring his perceptions? The past cannot dictate the future under any circumstance. My dad died too. I deal with an incurable disease too (my own!). I have a stepfather too. You are an adult now and you can make it so those things don't ever happen again. You have choices now.
