Here's a first draft... trying to keep this thread on topic.
GHANDI approach
------------------------------------------------------------ Do's ------------------------------------------------------------ - DO state "The OP is attaching our home - help me protect our home and our family" - DO state "This affair is hurting me, you, and our children" - DO state "I want our marriage safe and protected so it can thrive" - Do state "The OW is NOT a therapist and cannot be of any help to us" - Do make a business card of your GOOD FT available so they can book an appointment - Do ask for HELP to protect your home from affairs and interlopers - Do collect INTEL - DO find intermediaries (friends or family) for managing children and finances... have a chaperone (friend of marriage) with you at much as possible.. WS won't try to pick a fight when you have company over - DO EXPOSE the affair to anyone who may influence the outcome in your favour - DO PROTEST the affair using statements above (three times is the limit)
------------------------------------------------------------ Do NOTs ------------------------------------------------------------ - Belabour the do statements above - three times is enough - Do not say anything else - silence and emotional distance is the key - think "Mr Spock" - Do not yell - Do not argue - Do not throw things - Do NOT show anger - Do NOT name call - Do NOT criticize WS - Do NOT interfere with WS phone calls - Do not interfere with WD use of the computer - Do NOT make dinner for WS - Do NOT do WS laundry - Do NOT pick up WS dry cleaning - Do NOT interact with WS if it is avoidable - get a friend to manage your bill payments and update WS on what's paid and due.. you do NOT need to talk to them!!!
- Do NOT give them an emotional response of anger... they FEED off that
