#2: WAH separated from us & I'm on the DBing path

[flowmom]

CG, it's true that I don't know that D would be the worst. It's important for me to not make assumptions right now even though I have a huge negative emotional reaction to the idea of D.

It's not just my sitch, but also the experience of losing my father as a young child due to death (obviously not the same as D but I guess I'm projecting) then living through having a father figure who disappeared, then having a stepfather who could never be a surrogate father to me, then having a half sibling whose problems took over the family. I know that none of that determines my children's futures, but I'm just realizing that my own childhood pain is colouring my perceptions right now. Something to work on IC I guess.

Also, the statistics don't portray a rosy picture about the plight of the divorced single mother (financial, emotional and health).

You will then have the power to lead your life in a far more free fashion (and no, I don't mean dating)

I really don't equate the life of a single mom with freedom <shrug>.

I have generally felt pity, not admiration, for divorced mothers (with dependent children). They often don't seem happy or fulfilled, unless they are caught up in the thrill of new relationships. And their children often seem to so obviously be wearing the scars of a less secure base in life, and don't really seem to benefit from the addition of stepparents either.

I guess I am enjoying the freedom from H's moods, dramas, criticism, etc. But I am not enjoying the freedom from sharing my life with another adult. I really enjoy solitude, but I have also always chosen to live with other adults (roommates who were friends) and have a sense of sharing with them. As a mother, I value sharing life with another adult even more.

Sorry to be negative. I am trying to be honest about my biases here because I know that dealing with them will be part of moving on.