4luv, No need to apologize for the highjack, please highjack all you want. I’ve been posting my sitch out in another thread too, to try to get as much as advice as I can. I know others recommend not doing that. Nevertheless, the other thread includes my story before exposure of the A, so I keep the latest update in there too. I’ve added a link to it below for you. There is a lot of great advice from Puppy & Allen in there too.
You’ve done great at setting boundaries to your H. I have not done very well with this one. I think you are doing great with the position you are in, hang in there.
She's not a therapist, she's ATTACKING your marriage AND your FAMILY.. you should be PROTECTING US from HER
That should make any self-respecting man feel about 2" tall to tell him that!
(of course, people in affairs aren't "self-respecting," at least not at the moment, but you CAN land little "truth darts" like this from time to time).
Yes pup, that was my intention in writing it... also hopefully to awaken his instincts to protect his home from danger.. most men do feel that quite powerfully.
mb28, I find it easier to handle threads with only one household in them each.. if we have two households in the same thread I will get confused lol
I think what I am suggesting with Ghandi is in part "the silent treatment" as it is conventioally called. And MOVE OUT OF THE BEDROOM.. do NOT share a bed... DISTANCE DISTANCE DISTANCE.
Once you get those "truth darts" in the H's brain you let them fester for a while... show pain, show hurt, show panick and fear... but do NOT argue, name call, or criticize your H at all. No attacking him.... state your case and then offer silence.
Seen H for a few minutes tonight to exchange kids. I made sure I looked really good. He was really late, so I suspect he seen OW before he came over. However, I didn't ask anything, just acted like I was in a hurry to go out. When I know he has either talked to her or has seen, he acts so depressed when he see's me. I know it's his guilt showing, but I didn't not let it show at all.
I honestly believe that she is pushing him. Which is pushing him right back to me (-: There phone conversations have gone from 20+ min to only 2-5 min long. These are her calling him, so my H is defiently getting off the phone with her.
Together 16 years Married 12 years Me 36 H 34 D9 & S6 Separated 12/3/09 Confirmed A 1/25/10 Exposed A 1/26/10 H hired L, but not filed yet 1/27/10
missherlove, Thank you! I'm still struggling the boundries portion of it. But I'm GAL. I've started learning the loving distance part. Thanks for the advice about reading "Getting back together" I finally finished reading it. And that is one book I did show my husband last night. He is not a reader, but he has it for the weekend, so I hope he'll at least skim it.
Together 16 years Married 12 years Me 36 H 34 D9 & S6 Separated 12/3/09 Confirmed A 1/25/10 Exposed A 1/26/10 H hired L, but not filed yet 1/27/10
The best thing to do with GAL is to do something PHYSICALLY active. This gets your mind out of that imaginary place where those images show up and into the place where your mind has to work t control your body. If you take up tennis or something you will be too busy to think...
Just keep physically active, you'll get through them. They DO fade away and happen less frequently over time. In the beginning its all day long. After a week or two the images appear much less frequently.
