Ok, no rest for the weary, huh? He's home a week and already you're into the cr*p. I can see how he initially tried to turn it around on you, a classic defensive move. But good that you started to unpeel the onion to find out what's under it. What is all this about you having all the control? Sounds like he's having trouble digesting the new independent Rabbit - the same one that was attractive enough to return to! You did good holding your own. You stood up for the reasons you won't move and like you said on my thread, you're going to have to negotiate all that now that he knows you are going to stand up for yourself.
So he's having a bit of a tantrum for not completely getting his way - so he says "I'll do what I want" regarding sis? Not cool. He's confusing the two issues in that case. Like he's going to sneak some control back in by breaking your boundary.
I'm so glad you told him it's not a "trust" issue but a "breaking the boundaries" issue. That points out that he is responsible to keeping his agreements issue. Of course it is a trust issue if someone breaks their agreement! But the point is he broke the agreement!
The deeper issue is that he broke your marital agreement by abandoning his commitment to your marriage. Isn't that a bit of a controlling move too?
So I would keep doing the fabulous job you have been doing. Try to listen and validate what he feels out of control of and what he needs. Great you validated him. Keep it up. And then stand for your needs. Then the great negotiation begins.
Give him time dear to realize what he has done to you. He may have his tail between his legs a bit returning home after being a big boy out on his own, and with no job to boot. He may be defensive about feeling weaker than you this is very hard for a man. You'll get there where he can hear you. We won't let him keep those earplugs in! But remember a man's pride (sorry guys).
