Quick question for all of you out there. Have you ever been at a point where you have just had enough??? I realize that our spouses are ill and I also realize that I shouldn't believe anything they say whenever they spew their venom, however
Yes there are people on here who have reached that limit, and there are people on here who THOUGHT they reached that limit and after they cooled down and dug a little deeper realized they haven't. Make sense?
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let's reality check for a moment here...
Pssst... I'll let you in on a little secret....currently, only one of you is living in reality.
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For those of you with an OW/OM wrapped up in your MLC spouses life, put yourself in your spouses shoes for a moment. Although I realize it may be tough to say what I would do, but I myself have been through a depression and never once did it cross my mind to have an affair. Frankly, I didn't have the motivation for one either during a depression. It never once crossed my mind to leave behind all that I held precious at one time or another. It never once crossed my mind to not accept the help of a professional (as a matter of fact, I was dying for it). Although I know MLC and depression are two different beasts, there are glaring similarities as well.
Apples and oranges here. You most likely do not have the childhood issues that he does which are a key ingredient in all of this. They do NOT have the coping tools like you and I. His tools are either broke or not there.
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I think I have no choice but to go ahead and file for a legal separation to protect myself and get the bills paid at the very least.
You think or are you absolutely certain? Be very honest with yourself here. Is there a bunch of emotion fueling your decision or is this what you have to do. It won't snap him out of this.
Don't get me wrong, you come first and if this is what you have to do then you do whatever it takes to protect yourself.
This is a decision you and only you can make.
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Getting more fired up by the minute!
Careful, emotions + decisions = Not good.
Take a deep breath and find some quiet time away from all of this to really think about your options here.
protect yourself financially, many of us are condition to think we are being selfish thinking about money, until you were married and had a family you didnt need the money....Looking back after 5 years of this hell...that is the one thing that I should have done that could have caused a different outcome...for me and the boys .....at least....I cannot stress this enough.......and I understand what you say all the way
Quick question for all of you out there. Have you ever been at a point where you have just had enough??? I realize that our spouses are ill and I also realize that I shouldn't believe anything they say whenever they spew their venom, however
Yes there are people on here who have reached that limit, and there are people on here who THOUGHT they reached that limit and after they cooled down and dug a little deeper realized they haven't. Make sense?
You may go through this more than once. I once or twice THOUGHT I had reached my limit but then realized I hadn’t. Then I really did. When you are there, you won’t ask anymore.
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I think I have no choice but to go ahead and file for a legal separation to protect myself and get the bills paid at the very least.
Only you can decide whether you should do this or not.
You cannot count on past promises anymore.
Is there any way to get this done without filing for a LS?
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
One of the things that I did correctly was to protect myself financially. When he had erratic spending, I filed for divorce so the assets would be frozen. If I would not have done this I would be literally out on a park bench with the kids. Protecting yourself financially is essential, because they will not.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
C, Whether you have had enough of his behavior or not, you must thinking rationally and leave your heart and emotions at the door. You have to focus on what you need to survive. You have to be the one to protect yourself financially, no one else can do it for you.
As for promises that your darling h made......forget them! They are null and void while he's on the the Mother Ship.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
