If not go to search and type in "Boundaries" in Subject as a search word..it pulled it right up for me though I'm not sure how to cut and paste the link (not the most tech savvy
Good luck w the L this weekend! When I came out yesterday I felt much better knowing that I've covered my bases and less likely to have regrets about keeping anything on the table. He also just educated me about the process so I knew what to expect, no surprises, and I have him as needed. You know what your rights are..it was empowering.
First thing, are you in a fault state? If one option is to file for D citing adultery then print off some of that FB info. Any proof is good to keep on hand. I still have copies of emails tucked away just in case I need them someday.
After that, stop looking! If you can't, unfriend H
I totally understand the feeling of humiliation. The first thing I did when I got the confirmation was to call my friend M who works with BF and asked if everyone in the office knew and was laughing about me and/or pitying me. I didn't want to socialize with any coworkers for a long time because of that. But thing to remember is that you are not the one who is having an affair. H and OW should be ashamed because they are the ones in the wrong.
Meeting with the L tomorrow will make you feel better. If nothing else, knowledge is power and knowing your options is empowering.
If you don't like the ups and downs of the roller coaster, get off. Make the choice to live your best life without him right now, don't put it on hold waiting for him to come around.
Yes, embrace the suck. I know you can do it.!
If you love somebody, set them free. http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g
Rob, I truly love reading your stuff.. I am in the early stages, and really listen to what you have told me so far.. Going dark it tough, and I hope that the message gets heard in her head and then she does the pursuing..
Yes it's tough in the early stages because you still are only grasping part of the message, you don't have to hope that the message gets heard by her, in fact, that hope is translated into body language on your part and people can read that and feel that, regardless of what words are spoken or unspoken.
You don't care if the message gets through to her, you start living your life for you again and moving on and letting go of her - when you do this for real, that's when things happen.
Wanting something badly - translates to not having something and it makes you feel bad and that translates into needy and insecure: both horribly unattractive traits, attraction killers.
You don't want it badly anymore. If you can have it, great but it isn't a deal breaker anymore, not living your life regardless of this situation is the deal breaker - don't waste your life waiting for someone to change and turn around and come back to you, that's you communicating that you don't respect yourself and your precious life and that's not attractive.
If you love somebody, set them free. http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g
Hi Pearl, Thanks!!! I'm not getting off yet, but I reserve the right to whine a little bit about the motion sickness.
I'm journaling as I read on other peoples threads... not on here because its totally random, But I'm pulling quotes and recording my thoughts. My concern is no longer if H comes home or if there is anything I can do to make him come home. I've let go of that. Now its about setting my boundaries for the D process so He deals with me in a way that I find acceptable. Before I meet with him I need to decide what THOSE boundaries are and communicate them. That's the struggle today. I'll have thoughts to post here for feedback when I get them in some kind of coherent order.
No MORE FB - I haven't looked at his page in MONTHS. I see it as none of my business. I knew better - my own fault. I'm over it now.... just a brief lapse. My own damn fault and I need to stop feeling sorry for myself... big girl panties....
Thanks for the ROB quote, love his stuff. I am at the point where if I can have it - maybe great (not sure if I want it) but I don't need it. I'm not going to fall on my financial sword or wait for him to pull is head out of his a$$. I will protect myself financially and emotionally. This is his deal.
Time to give him his choices, he's given me mine.
Feeling stronger.... thanks to all of you and the boundaries thread....
I WILL handle this, my way... onward to a self inflicted Gucci beating... I think I need it...
T
ME28,WAH30, M 5YRS, T 7YRS ,OW/ILYBNILY/SEP 9/09 Served with D papers 6/6/10 Current
Getting off the roller coaster doesn't mean giving up on your M (necessarily), it means that you are in responsible for your own feelings. No can make you feel anything unless you allow it. Make the decision to detach and not let what H does/doesn't do/says/doesn't say affect how you live your life and feel about yourself.
I know, easier said than done.
P.S., I sent you a friend request so you can meet us in the alt.
Last edited by pearlharbr; 02/05/1005:12 PM.
If you love somebody, set them free. http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g
The roller coaster won't end for a long time, so grab the dramamine and hold on!
You're wrong avermont. The ride only lasts as long as you choose to ride it. You can get off whenever you want, you just need to make the decision to do it.
If you love somebody, set them free. http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g
YOU aren't bringing me down. I'm doing it to myself.
I actually feel MUCH better since I got my thoughts together and I'm see my L on Sun to hammer things out. I know I do this to myself, and I recognize that I have complete control over how I feel. I also know that sometimes I just have to honor my feelings for what they are - feelings. No logic or rhyme or reason.
As my IC says... FEEL through it.
I'm now officially in the ALT!!! Thanks. Now maybe I can learn to love FB instead of seeing it as the place my H found his whore.
Better spirits,
T
ME28,WAH30, M 5YRS, T 7YRS ,OW/ILYBNILY/SEP 9/09 Served with D papers 6/6/10 Current
