Moving back in

[Puppy Dog Tails]

I wouldn't schedule a MC appt. just for the purpose of doing that. If you were ALREADY MCing (and I think that MCing is a waste of time and money when one of the spouses is in an active affair), then yes, I would stand up in session, at the first time of your wife lying about the infidelity, and I would say something like "If we cannot at least be honest with each other in here, then I am clearly wasting my time. I've decided that I'll no longer waste my valuable time, nor my family's money, if my wife won't be truthful about her affair."

Then I would thank the MC, and I would leave.

Puppy

[Puppy Dog Tails]

DDogs,

Can you give us a brief timeline synopsis of your exposure efforts? I follow a lot of sitches, and I need like one of those "in case you missed it" primetime marathons where they catch you up on the TV series so far, so you can start watchin' it more closely!

It would help us help you.

Puppy

[flowmom]

Ddogs, I can only try to imagine how betrayed you must feel. I hope you are taking care of yourself right now.

[DDogs]

Flo
thank you for your support. Betrayed does not even come close to accurately describe the feelings that I have right now. I am unbelievably numb hurt confused angry sad all at the same time. The rapid shifts between emotions and the feelings associated with those emotions are so hard to mange I feel like I'm slowly going crazy..... This info "dump" has been the type of info I've gotten about every couple months.

I'll post again during lunch break. My god this is a horrible place to mentally be..

[motherof3]

(((Dd)))

I can relate.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

DDogs,

I can't remember: are you on ADs, or no? I had my doc give me some good anti-depressant/anti-anxiety meds. Two of them, actually. One was for immediate, anxiety attacks or for when I had to head into an extremely stressful encounter (like when I confronted her with evidence of her affair), and the other was the once-a-day, "even-you-out" variety, which does take 2-3 weeks to kick in.

Fortunately, I only had to use the first ones three or four times (and only a 1/2-tablet two of those times), but I just got off the dailies a few months ago -- nearly two years after my wife's affair. They were, literally, a LIFE-SAVER.

You should talk to your doc, if you haven't already.

Puppy

[DDogs]

DDogs,

Can you give us a brief timeline synopsis of your exposure efforts? I follow a lot of sitches, and I need like one of those "in case you missed it" primetime marathons where they catch you up on the TV series so far, so you can start watchin' it more closely!

It would help us help you.

Puppy

PDT,

I was informed last week Thursday, by W close girlfriend that W admitted in 7/09 to GF that the W was sleeping with her boss and that her EA started on 4/09. W (and kids) visited GF (and kids) at a resort and GF tells me W was constantly talking with OM/Boss on the phone. GF says the conversation was not work related but flirty and laughing.

GF feels bad for me because she knew about W's affairs and that I relocated to start a new life with W/kids. This puts the W starting the affair 2 months after we relocated. GF also says W wanted OM to come visit the resort as well but he did not.

GF also tellsd me that last year during a "girls trip" to a getaway spot, they were all drinking and talking with a bunch of guys. They notice W disappeared for several hours. Whem they girls arrived back at their condo, they saw W and an unk man come out of the bedroom together...

I confronted W on Friday about her boss by starting the "I know about the OM, tell me whats going on" after a few denials, I raised my hand and stopped her by saying "don't disrespect me by lying, I know and you know whats going on, I want the truth". eventually tells me that the OM is "just a friend" she is attracted to him, "it's not an affair but more of an infatuation". "He feels the same but he's married and has kids so we haven't done anything, although I would like to", "he 's my confidant, someone I can talk to,,,he's attractive, has great qualities, and I like tio be physical with him"

W also stated that she didn't care if he was married, W was not looking for a long term relationship, she just wants to be a single mom, and not be married to me anymore....

W tells me we tried initially in counseling to see if there was any change but claims I did not, (this all happening while W is involved with OM/Boss).

I tell her she has 24 ours to let OM's wife know or there will be consequences. W immediately tells me, "Ok, I'll break it off", I reply thats not good enough, She needs to know since W,OM and I all know. W tells me now that She will call her lawyer and have me charged with harassment if I contact OM or his W. ( I only have a home address, no phone #, or name)

W begins back peddeling, " I never touched him, it's just a really good, close friendship... she has other friends at work, is she sleeping with them too?"

Lots of denial, switching to some blaming of me and then lawyers up...

this ends with W calling the Police because she claimed we were having an argument in front of the kids and she felt that was child abuse, endangerment....W ends up going to hotel that night....

I call and inform her parents about the affair as well as several of our mutual friends and her girlfriends and tell them that "I know about W's affair, just wanted to let you know that I'm now in the loop".....

Fast forward last night I confront her about her one nighter at the resort and she looks taken aback, laughs out loud and says,"what the hell are you talking about, I never had any affair there!" "don't know where youre getting your info from but its wrong. I tell her, "W, I just want some honesty from you, I know whats happened and whats going on..." she interrupts and says, " we'll I guess it's a good thing were getting a divorce then...!

PDT, her fog/delusuion is so thick, she has her self convinced that she's not doing anything innappropriate,, W says "were getting divorced so what does it matter what Ive done and it's none of your business what Im doing.."

I am on daily AD,, Prestiq.. since 12/01/09 it has been the best Ive used (tried lexapro, wellbutrin, seratonin, and a few others), I also take quick acting short immediate use ones... It doesnt help the stomach knots or the want to vomit, but eases the roller coaster a bit.. The betrayal, trust lost, deception and lies are so much to handle,,, my head spins...

I was doing GREAT with my mindset, GALing, etc up until last week and now I feel sucker punched.. I'm going away this weekend to visit a friend, clear my head and relax.. I know the affair needs to be exposed, My Lawyer is advising me to keep my cool and play my cards close,,, I'm just stinging, hurting right now..

[CityGirl]

Hi Ddogs,

I know this is horrifying but I really do urge you to listen to your attny.

I knew about my H's affair for FIVE months before I said anything and once I did say something I really didn't mention it again. It was hands down the hardest thing I have ever done. My attny urged me on a daily basis to "keep my cards close" and I did but I also know the emotional strain. In fact, I darn near had a nervous breakdown and I don't say that in jest.

It does sting and hurt like nobody's business. I am glad you are going away for the weekend. Take care of YOU.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

DDogs,

Thanks for such a thorough recap. This will help me -- help ALL of us -- a LOT.

I'll have more for you when you get back. You can also reach out to me in the alt -- a bunch of us are on there. For now, just go away for your weekend and CHILL, and try not to think about all of this. It's not going anywhere in the next few days anyway.

I know this feels like a sucker-punch, but I will leave you with two thoughts, both of which helped me:

1) After you get over the initial shock, it is actually COMFORTING to know that there are REASONS behind your wayward wife's behavior. At this point, as deep in as she is, ALL of her actions can be explained PHYSIOLOGICALLY -- she's chemically addicted. That doesn't EXCUSE her choices, but it DID make me feel better and not take things so personally.

2) I firmly believe that God doesn't give us any more than we can handle at one time (see I Cor. 10:13, for those so inclined). The things I found out about my wife's affair -- had I found those out ALL AT ONCE? I seriously think they would have killed me. Literally. Sometimes the "2nd shoe dropping" is devastating, but it beats the alternative of both shoes dropping at once. Maybe God threw you a bone, like He did to me.

Hang in there, and look me up in the alt. if you need a buddy to talk to. YOU WILL GET THRU THIS, and stronger than before, too. That I promise you.

Puppy

[mindfull]

DDog -

I just re-read through everything. Gosh, there is a lot of cheating here. It started w/you ten years ago, then her a few years back, and now this?

I would agree, that if you're going to MC, get it out there! If she will stay put, the counselor may be able to steer a productive conversation, but it sounds like she may bolt. If she does, you have a documented professional witness of her chaos.

HUGS