I spoke about the "intro" with my W last night. I was very calm and understanding (I was proud of myself). She told me she decided on the intro because her and the OM talked and agreed they are in a serious R...bummer!! They are apparently even discussing moving in together...bummer again!!
In any case, I first asked her what her plan was with the intro...she did not have one. She then mentioned she is taking the kids out of town to visit some family and wants the OM to come as well. I told her this was not an appropriate way to intro the OM. She seemed to agree. I then asked her if she had done any research or reading on the subject to help identify the right way to approach the intro...she had not. From this, it is clear to me my W is not thinking of the kids, just herself.
I am going to send her some ground rules, thoughts and expectations I have about this situation but wanted to get input before I do so. My feelings are pretty strong.
1. The OM was not concerned about the well being of the children during the A. Having someone like this involved in my childrens life is disconcerning.
2. I hate this man for what he represents and he will need to be kept away from me at all costs.
3. I will not be willing to attend any functions when he is present. This sucks for me and the kids but there is only so much crap I can put up with.
4. He is not to be left alone with the kids until it is dicussed (by me and W) and agreed upon.
5. I will be monitoring the kids closely; any negative impact caused by the other man will not be tolerated.
I know this is a strong stance and I need to think about the long term implications of what I am saying so any feedback would be greatly appreciated.
