Yesterday was really busy with my mom and just trying to clean up and get rid of some stuff here.
Exh sent a text in the morning asking if we got his texts the night before (that i ignored). I said yes. He asked if I was in a bad mood or having a bad day? I sent:
"Exh, I have told you before I would like us to keep all communication about baby only. We are divorced and have our own lives now and there is nothing more we need to talk about outside of her. I don't want or need the drama and am sick of being threatened, followed, and intimidated."
I know you all are going to blast me for the last part, but I felt like putting it in at the time.
He responded with: "If that is how you want it then fine. You better let me know if our daughter is in some sort of danger!"
Is he kidding? His MGF is loony and dangerous! I have 3 texts with her threatening me plus being followed!
Last night he tried to communicate with me and make it about baby. Wanted me to send some pics. I didn't have any on my phone that he already didn't have.
Oh and he missed his visit yesterday. Said he was working.
Originally Posted By: S.T. _I Made It!
now, what steps can you do to start making things better, with your stress, tiredness, pool...etc.. maybe just take one thing at a time.
The pool has to be fixed. Too unsafe to have open so I will have to figure that one out soon. Company will hopefully be here this week to look at it.
The rest of the stressful stuff...I don't know. There are certain things I have to do (studying, house, etc.) and having a couple of hour window when baby is sleeping is frustrating. Shes the worlds worst sleeper too I am hoping my sister and mom will know I am about at my breaking point and could use their support.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
well, don't rely on people "knowing". your just going to have to ask. perhaps there is something that you can do in return for their help that is easy for you and not for them. Or maybe you can find a moms day out at a church,
also, tell me her sleeping habits, perhaps you can change that. I also remember how she is sick all the time. Have you ever thought about removing milk or wheat from her diet? I have a hunch that she is allergic.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
well, don't rely on people "knowing". your just going to have to ask. perhaps there is something that you can do in return for their help that is easy for you and not for them. Or maybe you can find a moms day out at a church,
also, tell me her sleeping habits, perhaps you can change that. I also remember how she is sick all the time. Have you ever thought about removing milk or wheat from her diet? I have a hunch that she is allergic.
Her sleeping habits? Its probably my own fault and something I never did with my other kids. I let her sleep in bed with me and she is waking up maybe 5-8 times a night. She is still comfort nursing (ok, guys dont throw up ) I just cannot let her scream and cry. I sometimes start out putting her to sleep in her own bed, but within an hour she is awake again. So its the same whether in my bed or her own. When exh left I had to do what I needed to get by and now she isn't a great sleeper. She naps maybe an hour during the day. Like I said before, things have been really different with her. I enjoy the closeness when she is sleeping with me and frankly its easier to have her there if she is going to wake up rather than putting miles up and down my hallway all night.
Her sickness is mostly colds. I find that she is in a childcare at MOPS or the gym she ends up with a cold a few days later.
I am not a great sleeper either. Even when she is sleeping I find myself up alot anway....so not sure if my lack of sleep is from her.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
your answer was pretty good. His was insane...wth is he talking about?? You don't want drama or TMI from him and you want privacy and boundaries respected....soooo he says you "better let him know if your d is in danger"??!! What??
WTH does that even mean? Okay okay, who cares? I'd probably have said, "enforcing a boundary we've discussed 10 times, has nothing to do with 'danger to our d' or your over dramatization", and OR "as always, protecting her is my highest priority" (hence NOT being around his @%$&#!! drama!!)
But seriously, you did fine...keep it up! j-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Doing decent with the boundaries. Exh sent a text in the morning yesterday wanting to come and see baby. Not his day so I sent one back saying I couldn't this morning. No response from him. Later last night he sent one asking how she was and I said shes good and he asked if she had a good day and I responded with she did.
It feels strange to keep my responses to a few words and feel like I should be saying more about her, but it is what it is now.
Today is a visit day and then I have my friend coming tonight for dinner. Looking forward to that.
Baby slept better last night...only waking 4 times
Yes..25. Exhs responses are insane. His MGF is loony and dangerous and what I was referring to. Either he missed that part or he doesn't care.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
Oh, my sister came over with a nice card for me...sort of a pick me up. Anyway she was here when exh textd yesterday morning so we started talking about my new boundaries with him and how he doeesnt like it...she made me laugh. She said of course he doesn't like it. You are trying to be a normal divorced woman that only talks to her exh about the child. He on the other hand lives in a strange world where you are divorced from your first wife, still work for her dad and he takes care of him like a son, hangs out all the time with exw's brother and now exw's sister (that he hated for so long) is now his new best friend. Even exw1 still coddles him and holds his hand behind her new husbands back. Exh expects it should be this way for you too!
After thinking about it...shes right!
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
Doing decent with the boundaries. Exh sent a text in the morning yesterday wanting to come and see baby. Not his day so I sent one back saying I couldn't this morning. No response from him.
You probably need to let him know that he cannot visit because it is not his day. Make it very clear that he needs to adhere to the agreed upon schedule.
"You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf." Jon Kabat-Zinn
And don't feel the need to tell him any more than you did when you text back or, feel bad about it either. If he wanted to know then he would make his visitation.
I haven't been on much but, have been keping track and 25 has your back and is keeping the 2x4 handy.
JAK
You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when, you can only decide how you're going to live now. ~Joan Baez
He has been keeping a pretty low profile lately which is nice.
I have this little photo book that baby loves to look through. Its pictures of her birth and first few months and exh is in a few of the pictures. She says whoever is in the pictures...Mommy, baby, Daddy, brother, sister, etc. I just get really tense when she says his name. Its an honor to be a Dad. He doesn't respect that honor and it sucks for her.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
Oh, my sister came over with a nice card for me...sort of a pick me up. Anyway she was here when exh textd yesterday morning so we started talking about my new boundaries with him and how he doeesnt like it...she made me laugh. She said of course he doesn't like it. You are trying to be a normal divorced woman that only talks to her exh about the child. He on the other hand lives in a strange world where you are divorced from your first wife, still work for her dad and he takes care of him like a son, hangs out all the time with exw's brother and now exw's sister (that he hated for so long) is now his new best friend. Even exw1 still coddles him and holds his hand behind her new husbands back. Exh expects it should be this way for you too!
After thinking about it...shes right!
that makes a lot of sense.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
I am hoping my sister and mom will know I am about at my breaking point and could use their support.
) I just cannot let her scream and cry. I sometimes start out putting her to sleep in her own bed, but within an hour she is awake again. So its the same whether in my bed or her own. When exh left I had to do what I needed to get by and now she isn't a great sleeper. She naps maybe an hour during the day. Like I said before, things have been really different with her. I enjoy the closeness when she is sleeping with me and frankly its easier to have her there if she is going to wake up rather than putting miles up and down my hallway all night. 