Pls help--confused and fearful

[Day by Day]

wow... guess that doesn't read very clearly... my mind is all confused from my visit with the L today and the hearing date set up.

Riding the rollercoaster of my own emotions.

[newmama]

So Dbd you are proceeding with filing for D, right? Do you know if stbx is going to be working abroad?

[Day by Day]

He already filed his petition for D with the court and it has already been assigned a judge. So my L is just answering it and requesting temp support in the meantime. I think it was a bluff that he's being transferred or promoted overseas. I still have to put up with asking him for money and keep track of it. It says in the court paperwork that they strongly suggest for him to voluntarily pay CS. The man doesn't care. Arrogant selfish jerk.

My weekend away was so enlightening. I'm finding myself... my desires, my dreams. I let him control me so much that I forgot who I was, what I liked, what I thought was fun. During this period without him, I've made MY friends, not joined him with his. He always had a complaint about my friends or their husbands. This birthday was so much better than the bash he threw for me last year. He may have spent lots of money then, but I got lots of love instead this year. I'm feeling like I'm re-writing history in a way. ??? I'm remembering who I was.

[chatterbug]

DbD I am very proud of you. I am glad you had a good weekend. It is good to feel loved. Keep moving forwards.

[Day by Day]

Something's clicked... STBX sent me a TM saying he paid the mortgage for this month. Hmm. I am taking this as him following the advice from his new L. Nothing more. And you know what, it's giving me relief. Feeling like things are getting in control and are on the way to getting it all over with. He has a "handler" now and will have to follow some rules. I am wondering whether to respond with a thanks or to even bother. In all of this I've been trying to be the better person, to end it all proud of how I handled it when I look back. I haven't been vindictive, I have kept my vows, kept the door open and I still pray for him. Doing it for ME.

I've decided before I pack up any of my stuff in the house, I'm first going to pack up all his stuff he left behind and put it in the garage for him to pick up or I'll donate it. He pretty much left everything. I should have packed it all up long ago. It's been kind of like a death and I left things as he did. Done... I'm over it. Feels wonderful to be free of hanging on. A weight has been lifted.

[P17]

I am wondering whether to respond with a thanks or to even bother.

It's his house to. It's his responsibility. What are you thanking him for?

Whenever you have responded in the past he has latched onto it and tried to suck you in. Don't fall for it again DbD. You're at a good place now, but it's fragile. Don't let him see any sign of you being compassionate as he will latch onto it.

I've decided before I pack up any of my stuff in the house, I'm first going to pack up all his stuff he left behind and put it in the garage for him to pick up or I'll donate it. He pretty much left everything. I should have packed it all up long ago. It's been kind of like a death and I left things as he did. Done... I'm over it. Feels wonderful to be free of hanging on. A weight has been lifted.

Another one of the best things I did ... get W's stuff in boxes (3 of them) and get them up into the attic. House is clear of her.

It's a really tough thing to do. I shed some tears. I smelled some clothes to see if her scent was still there. I was nostalgic. It did however get to the stage where I was just chucking things in boxes. Maybe I put too much in there (gifts she gave me, wedding photos etc.) but I wanted rid.

It's like cleansing yourself DbD. It will be tough but it will be worth it.

I was thinking about you today as we hadn't heard from you in a while. Was wondering how you were getting on. I had no need to worry, you're doing great!

[Day by Day]

Thanks P. You're right, I'm in a good place now, but it is fragile. He knows that I have a soft heart and forgive too darn easy--he's mentioned it in the past. I won't take it as a fault though. I like that about myself. But, you're right... I keep forgetting how he is wanting to suck me in to hurt me.

I don't know if at this point I will shed some tears over packing up his stuff. I think I might start off being neat, but end up tossing it all in messily. Just want it over with. I need to get the house ready to sell anyway and I'm too busy with other stuff in my life--like doing well in school!

Thanks for worrying about me... yeah, I am doing great. I went for a run this morning with a different group of friends from my side of town. I began running with them the same month of the bomb. I stopped when I joined my marathon training program. I saw how much I've changed since then. Not only in my endurance in running, but it my emotional strength. Wonderful feeling. I keep saying I feel like me again... realized I don't need STBX to make me happy.

I'm happy to read how you are doing!! You're doing great.

[chatterbug]

DbD. If he is being coached. Then that is good. One less worry. Always take the nice with a huge grain of salt. Usually means they want something or are being coached. Keep getting stronger.

[Day by Day]

Definitely coaching... another email confirming paying another bill and it's in the exact same wording. Good... his L is getting him to behave. Now begins his rude awakening... it's gonna cost him.

He just can't walk away from his obligations and pursue his fantasy life with that <bleep>.

[newmama]

Dbd, it's good news that things are getting under control as you put it--yeah, he will need to follow the rules finally!

As for packing the stuff, it is another huge step in the detaching/healing process!

But the best news is that you are finding you are happy without him and reconnecting with the old you! Even though I have not detached, GALing has truly helped me transition to the possibility of not being with WH and "seeing" that a life without him can be positive. Of course I haven't been with WH for 20 years!! So it is truly remarkable that you have been able to reach this point after 9 months!!! You are strong!