Calling out the Piecers

[dday101798]

Blach, blach, blach,

Still nothing from the opposing insurance company. I think my guy is finally annoyed with me, but hey, guess what buddy, that's your job, to see that my needs are met and they certainly are not at this point.

And now, it's a day and half since I've seen (x)W, going stir crazy, so is she. I definately say we are ready to resume a normal day to day life together. Even stranger is she was half awake as normal this morning when I called to make sure she was up and had her rides to and from work situated and she said "I wish I were alone to talk to you" and I as like 'what? who's there?' But, I wasn't worried at all and knew she meant she wished I were alone as I was being on the quiet side with my cousin standing there. And that was her response. And I haven't thought about it since and low and behold, that was precisely what she meant.

[WalkingMan]

I hope you're not moving too fast man.

No disrespect intended here...

Each situation is unique....try telling someone who just discovered they matched the powerball numbers not to be excited.

I think dday has been actively working his path on resolving issues and getting past the "cause". But my recomendation to him was more in the interest of calming some of the turmoil that can so easily get in the way.

Reminds me of a a great phrase I read once:

I want to slide into the grave thinking "Man, what a ride!!!"

Sometimes caution for the sake of caution can hold back the best in people.

Perhaps you're right. Only time will tell and like life in general, there's almost never a simple black and white resolution. Much like there's no such thing as a perfect analogy.

Still, my advise is to ease the family back into the swing of things. Haste or hesitation, either way, there's risk....

[dday101798]

Still, my advise is to ease the family back into the swing of things. Haste or hesitation, either way, there's risk....

True, for this sitch tho, getting everybody back together is the manditory thing to do.

Heard back from my insurance and the news wasn't good, other party refuses to pay, will not co-operate and it's going to legal settlement which could drag out months. So, had dinner with (x)W and kids last night and tried to hash a solid plan out with various expenses all in the air. Didn't really come up with anything solid and I promissed my cousin I'd be 'home' s I had to leave. When leaving, the kids were sadenned. So, this means we really need to hash this out. I came up with a viable solid plan this morning on the way in, so I'll present it to (x)W tonight and we may very well be in motion to get everything accomplished at minimal distruption to the overall plan. For some reason I always think better on the road.

That said, that's about all I got. I really didn't want to go by (x)W last night because A) I was very irritated with the news on the car and didn't want to take it out on (x)W and B) I was in no mood for (x)FIL and figured he'd be there. Well, she stated and re-stated that we are in this together and whatever she has, I have and not to shut her out (which I ALWAYS did).

So, I went over there in the new spirit of things. It went well and I curbed my frustrations. And of course (x)FIL was there taking a shower after working in his garage all afternoon. (x)W and he did speak apparently earlier after (x)FIL spoke to his "financial adviser" (girlfriend) about what to sell our house for. Needless to say, he once again jacked the price out of our means. Fine. He was however a bit warmer this time when getting out of the bathroojm and saw me sitting there eating dinner with the family. So apparently somewhere in the house conversation something was said.

Anywho, my plan for now is to look at this house for rent on Satruday that is really cute and actually has a yard for the kids and a big one at that. Our house didn't have a yard, all deck/patio and water garden as all houses in the area only have a 30x30 foot yard anyway. And the size and price is right.

(x)W's brother is bringing her truck up this weekend so I'll propose my plan to (x)W I came up with that gets everybody covered transportation wise and that's covered. My truck, at least until we get the house to store it in the garage, I will ask my current neighbor who wants me to fix his son's car if I can store it in his and throw him a few bottles of favorite booze a month until I can move it or the settlement goes through whichever comes first.

Heh, (x)W and I were soooooooo on the same page last night, we couldn't come up with anything solid to make everything work, but we both kept saying, somehow, some way we always conquered crap like this to get life moving, and well, here we are.

I've decided that once we settle living arrangements, peicing is no longer the applicable place for me and I'll add some life to the reconcilling boards. Our marital issues are no more, I don't even think about any issues regarding OM any more. I've spent enough time with her recently to know that there is nothing to worry about. She has come full tilt to realize and question what the heck was she thinking in that regard.

It's funny, the "easiest" part to peicing thus far was laying the M issues to rest. It's everything else, family, friends, cars, living arrangements that's really complicating things even more than our own problems that no longer exist.

[dday101798]

It's funny, the "easiest" part to peicing thus far was laying the M issues to rest. It's everything else, family, friends, cars, living arrangements that's really complicating things even more than our own problems that no longer exist.

And....

I guess this reverts to Reconcilled statement that I fully agree with, the rest will fall into place on it's own.

[WalkingMan]

I guess this reverts to Reconcilled statement that I fully agree with, the rest will fall into place on it's own.

That's great! It's amazing to see what it's like when things start to turn a corner.

[dday101798]

Thanks Sg.

Yeah, we started over the past weekend to intigrate socializing with old mutual friends. Nothing major, just a few that were smack in the middle of ground zero when all hell broke loose in the M. All queitly said, we knew this would happen, it's like nothing but good ever happened, you two ARE inseperable.

Can't believe I forgot to mention that before. duh, losing my mind these days.

[reconcilled]

What I learned about the process of reintegrating into old friends and family is everyone has an opinion....I found myself often trying to defend myself. After enough conversations with them, I finally realized that "I" am the one walking in the shoes and "I" am the one that has true vested interest so they will dig it or not. Their choice....

(x)W and I also hit a bump in the road about 6 months post reconcilliation and it was amazing how the old way of hashing it out kicked back in. Difference was each of us was able to LISTEN to each other this time. I think this was the turning point for us and solidified that we are "great" together.

DDAY.....sounds like you are gaining comfort in the situation which is a major forward step. I found once the awkwardness of being back together (know what I mean?) faded it was much easier to operate on a much more normal basis.

But, don't forget YOU. I honestly believe that the root cause of most WAW's is the loss of identity. Mine has said as much. I know once I get wrapped in bringing us back together, I lost focus of the work I had done on me. So don't forget that!

Sounds as though this little house you are looking at is a new beginning for the 4 of you. Embrace that...

[WalkingMan]

Good advise, reconcilled. I think that this kind of insight helps, especially about what you can expect.

[dday101798]

I know once I get wrapped in bringing us back together

Thanks for the post Reconcilled.

Actually, (x)W is the one doing the heavy lifting on the "bringing us back together", as it should be. I've lost count on how many times in just the past week as she has worked to accelerate getting the family back together and I say I am stressed to my limits on so many aspects and am very tight on what I can or can't do, she says not to worry and that she'll handle it since she caused so much disarray in her WAS state. So, she's in full recognition of the consequences that were bestowed upon everybody. Very good thing.

On the friends bit, I guess I should ahve worded that a bit differently re-reading it. What I meant was they were saying it's like nothing had every happened. (x)W and I were always the couple to look up to. We have been involved in every one of our friends or families weddings to some degree. And then, the hellacious A, seperation and D happened. And here we are now, happy as clams, moving forward again. So their point was that they knew we'd be back together again, and that it seems like the D did nothing but pump more energy and devotion into our lives together.

Comfort: I amm very comfortable. Maybe too comfortable for some looking in from the outside. I am not worried as I have said, if I were the one doing all the major work, surely I would be more cautious. However, (x)W is the one doing the massively hard work and proving that this is what she wants. So, she has far more to lose than I should she slip.

The only thing that makes me feel "ackward", is a bit on the personal side, but we're all adults here and I wanted to start a thread in "sexual issues" but I guess I'lll lay it out here. So on that note, there's a couple of things on that aspect that are the only things that make me "ackward": 1 - I'm becoming concerned that I may night be meeting her needs in that department. I don't know what it is, maybe the euphoria of being back together, but my ability to keep up with her is rather lack luster. Doesn't matter if it's the first time or thrid in a matter of hours, she just gets me, quickly. Our M was always spontaneously intimate. Even if we had company over, we'd slip away at moments notice for a 'quickie'. When the M started to deteriorate, the frequency dropped dramatically. After our in house seperation in 3/08 we had that one month that more intense than ever in regards to intimacy, I mean INTENSE.

So, here we are today, and things are heated, but we're contricted on how to handle that. Maybe that's the problem? I know when we get our own place, the 'do not distrub sign is going to see quite a bit of use.

Then there's issue 2. (x)W and I have spoken quite a few times about the loss ovf our daughter. And we're not getting any younger. As our younger friends and family members are having babies, we can see it in each other's eye that we're definately going to try again. But, it appears she is more dietermined than I as she constantly is initiating things without protection. Case in point last night and when I knew thing were about to get to that point, I went ot get it and she wrapped around me tightly as to restrain me from doing so.

I am going to have a talk with her tonight on this. That does bother me. I wnat us to be situated as a family, stable, and most of all re-married before we have another child.

I am not forgetting me at all. I constantly keep myself in mind as (x)W pitches idea after idea to our lives together to me, and I say where I am at and what I can and can't do, will or won't do.

The house is going to be a wonderful thing. Detailing in next post.

[dday101798]

So, here's how I see my piecing "list" as of today as it ahs been altered due to health problems, the accident, and above mentioned items.

1 - Complete recognition and dismisal of all issues relating to the breakdown by both of us in the M. COMPLETE

2 - (x)W to demonstrate and assure OM is completely out of her mind in all regards. COMPLETE

EDIT 2a - (x)W to sever all ties to OM - COMPLETE

3 - (x)W to accept responsibility for A and be 100% without question regretful, remorseful and apologetic. COMPLETE

4 - Me to fully accept and forgive (x)W for the A. COMPLETE

5 - Assurance to each other and our children that this is going to work and be comfortable - COMPLETE

6 - In light of accident involving my truck, secure transportation - COMPLETE (as of this morning she had her truck delivered)

7 - Obtain a residence of our own to restart life as a family. IN PROGRESS

8 - Re-Marriage . PENDING

9 - 3rd child. PENDING

10 - Full acceptance by friends and family on all accords that we are happy and responsible for our own faults and our R and M is our own problem. IN DUE TIME