I would start maybe by writing him a letter, then if you choose to give it to him, or convey the message to him, you can do so. But see where you feel like you are. If it truly is something that you are doing for you, then you can give it to him.
I have found it helpful if I write something to post it here and let everyone critique it. It also is good because you can vent here and we don't take it personally.
It seems like you have a good handle on yourself and the place that you are in. You need to use this time to decide what YOU want.
My children are D23 and S22 so I have some knowledge of dealing with adult children. They can present there own problems at times like these that I feel are a little bit different because they are "adults" and have their own opinions.
Hang in there and study the resources. Knowledge is power.
