He is happy to go out with me, he is willing to do things with me. He calls often and makes sure I know where he is/what he does and with whom.
So, by this, to me, he is showing he likes being in a R with you and he wants to reassure you. It is easy to do - little effort for good return.
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Apart from that, H seems to still mirror my behaviour and tries to avoid anything that he believes would bring tension between us. Unfortunately, that means he avoids sharing with me things about the past and his thoughts/feelings... which makes me feel we are not "connected". He also tells me that he thinks what we are going trhough now is normal granted the separation and affair and that he thinks sex should follow because right now, he feels we cant share intimacy.
This is the hard work bit for him, the part he can't deal with at the moment, and the part the C should be able to help him with. Would your H read books about reconciliation after an A? I think this has been mentioned before, ( and I can't remember exactly which book it was that really made my H realise that I needed to know certain things even though they would hurt me. I know it wasn't the 'Just Good Friends book'; it may have been called something like After the Affair, or Healing from an Affair - trawl Amazon and read some of the descriptions and reviews of those types of books. It amazed my husband that I needed to know certain things that he obviously wasn't telling me because he felt ashamed he had had an A and so he convinced himself that telling me the details would hurt me. However, I needed to know. Reading it from somone elses perspective really helped him open up.
My husbands job is still an issue. I feel he still works in a way that would easily enable him to have an A and hide it from me if he wanted to. I go through periods of feeling insecure. However, he earns very good money so I am having to lump this.
I think you need to go out and have some good times together and you need to get your confidence back Kalni re the sexual side of things. Maybe this avoidance of sex has nothing to do with you at all. It may be he is having some sort of problem that he won't open up about. How does he react to just your touch? Holding hands?
Laughter is always good medicine and breaks the ice. People who smile and laugh a lot are always more attractive. Out of C'ing and when out socially try to keep it light and fluffy. Even flirt a bit with other guys around if there are any. Remember what it is like to feel wanted. He obviously does want you - I just am not sure if that is because you make him feel safe or because he wants his M. Only time will tell.
Have a lovely night out and knock them dead in your new dress!!!!
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
