You are dealing with a teenage girl. That's tough enough for many fathers. You can swing by Mindfull's or Serenity's threads, they could chime in as far as dealing with teenagers go.
Don't let your anger drive your children away. After all do you want your children to stay with you because they want to or because they have no other choice? If I was on your D17's place I'd be like, I'm sick of being between 2 fires (you and your w), I'm off, moving in with my bf/ going to school on another side of the country/ joining a hippie tribe!
I hope you can sort it out with D17 and wish you peace in your home.
