Where in the world did that come from !!!

[Deep]

Oh, I totally get what you mean and feel. Even now, I can tell you I understand and feel more than I'd like.

Re the nicotine patches, haha I actually went on the gum and thank goodness went off it again.

[blownaway65]

Give me a few months of not smoking and I will be a Rich Man - and more importantly a way healthier one.

Just saw your Sig, Congrats to the new Dad.

[chatterbug]

I still think you need to go out and date a few different people.

You will be surprised on how you like them all. Puts it all into perspective.

I highly recommend you go out with a few friends. And that you meet some of their friends.

That PA bomb really messes with the head....

Good thing you understand that chemicals are at work. So enjoy the love feelings for a little while. But keep it in perspective.

23 years... done.... 2 weeks of really knowing why.... vs... a cup of coffee

But it does feel good. So it helps you understand.

Knowledge is very powerful when you apply wisdom.

[blownaway65]

You are right Cutter, BIG difference between W walking out to W walking out to be with OM. That really does f@%k you up, although I was strangely calm within minutes of finding out.

Wasn't ready to get back into the real world till about a week ago no matter how much I tried to convince myself I was.

Regardless of my coffee friend, I think I am really getting the detachment thing.


I'm going to be OK, and the kids are going to be OK (or as much OK as I can help them to be) regardless of what W decides to do with her life.

It's a very empowering feeling I have to say and it sort of releases you from all the crap you've been going thru.

Took me 6 months to get here and I'm so glad I have finally arrived, now I can get on with my life independant of what W does or doesn't do and know that if she wants to come back, then I have a big decision to make, if she doesn't we'll all be good anyway.

I now have at least some Wisdom. Thank you all

[blownaway65]

Had a big blue with D17 last night, finished up telling her that if she's not happy here she should go live with her mother - what's worse I then texted W and told her D17 wanted to live with her.

D17 & I both finished up in tears over something so stupidly simple. Neither of us want her living with W, and I expect W doesn't want that either - anyway haven't heard back from W about the text and don't suppose I will either.

[blownaway65]

Well, W did get back to me eventually.

"I will speak 2 u 2moro nite when I get home".

Who's she kidding, she's just coming home to BIL's to get her mail.

I don't think I'm going to be available, got something else on.

On a sadder note, I think I've let D17 down in a big way. It hurts to have her mad at me.

[blownaway65]

So I get home tonite and D17's not home from school. The boys tell me she went to see W and is having dinner with her.

I'm just so angry that after 6 months of being the ONLY parent they have, she decides now that she wants to spend time with W.

I rang her and told her in no uncertain terms that I'm the person caring for and looking after her. She can't just go making plans with W without consulting me first. W will also get a serving when I see her next. I need to be told about what my children are doing and where they are.

I'm so close to giving this whole thing up.

[Wholeagain]

Sorry about what you are going through.

Don't let your hurt drag you into a parental alienation. Not sure if that's the exact term, it's when one parent tries to alienate the other from a child.

Is there a problem if D17 wants to see her mother? D17 knows the kind of reaction she'll get from you, that's why she didn't tell you. You need to gain her trust and respect back.

I have not read all the pages in your thread, I don't have children, so I can be totally off base here, but I would make sure your D17 knows you will support her wish to keep her R with her mother.

[Wholeagain]

You are dealing with a teenage girl. That's tough enough for many fathers. You can swing by Mindfull's or Serenity's threads, they could chime in as far as dealing with teenagers go.

Don't let your anger drive your children away. After all do you want your children to stay with you because they want to or because they have no other choice? If I was on your D17's place I'd be like, I'm sick of being between 2 fires (you and your w), I'm off, moving in with my bf/ going to school on another side of the country/ joining a hippie tribe!

I hope you can sort it out with D17 and wish you peace in your home.

[blownaway65]

Thanks Wholeagain,

As I was writing those last posts I was thinking to myself "Why am I being so unreasonable about this ?".

W is the kids mother after all, the fact that she chose to break up our family won't change that.

Maybe I'm thinking W doesn't deserve to see the kids because of what she has done.

That's certainly not going to be attractive to her, and now that I see that in writing it does sound almost nasty on my part.

I think a 180 might be in order and I'll try to just sweat the big stuff.