Need Help Fast Please..............

[Steve McQueen]

Maybe just maybe that she also has some issues that contributed to her unhappiness? Maybe I am not the horrible awful monster that she has made me out to be?

She involved with another man and you are simply "in the way." Do you expect to be treated any different then a "horrible awful monster? in light of the situation"

What have you done to break up her affair?

[Buffet]

just journaling here a bit:

Today has been a tough day, one of the first days that I have not had any GAL things to do at all. I tried to just have a "me" day and see how I did---not good.

I watched the movie Fireproof what a dumb move that was. I bought the movie awhile ago when I still thought I could magically make things better. Well one bomb after another hit boom boom boom and I did not watch the movie. Than today I watch it and it hits me like a ton of bricks.....we could have been that couple I think. But than I think back and look back at what has happened and there is really no way that could happen.

I wonder---Did I really marry the wrong person? I mean I fully accept and will own 100% of the things that I did to not make the M work. However, I think my W is/was always a broken person and that this relationship would have never worked. If that is the case I feel pretty stupid for going down this road with her. And to make it even worse there will not be a clean break ever as we have S2 between us now.

Which is a whole other issues, I am really feeling pissy about how this will effect him for the rest of his life. Also, selfishly I am upset b/c I do not want to only be around for 50% of my sons growing up. I feel cheated and hurt and still do not understand what makes W tick.

At a minimum I think she owes me a real explanation and an admission of the A and OM. I have again seen pictures, texts, e-mails, notes, cars parked in each others driveways, my W panties rolled into a sandwich bag and stuffed into her purse, and worse....I am 100% sure that she is having an A I have called her on it and the evidence and she still denies it to me. She will admit or at least allude to it with others but will not give me the satisfaction or closure really of at least coming clean with it....Not sure why that bothers me so much but it does.

Another more practical problem is that my Lawyer says that there is really no way to legally stop her from bringing S2 around OM and his kid. I have checked with a few other attorneys in the last 2 weeks and all have said the same thing. Unless the guy has a criminal record--which he does not. Than there is not anything that can be done except appeal to her common sense that it is a horrible thing to bring the kiddo around this guy and she does not see it that way. Hell she is even bringing this guy to family events and her and her sister are going out with this guy and than sister will babysit the 2 kids while W and OM go out....Grrr....

[nsw1222]

yt I know how you feel...my SO is taking our D around the OM as well. the OM has a dog and my D plays with it and when she comes back to the house I'm always hearing her mention the OM's name and the dogs name.

It kills me. This guy is a big reason why I cant get my family back together...the other reason being my SO is in a fog.

[Gardener]

ytjuy,

Which is a whole other issues, I am really feeling pissy about how this will effect him for the rest of his life. Also, selfishly I am upset b/c I do not want to only be around for 50% of my sons growing up.

For what it's worth, today (after my first D 19 years ago and the resulting 50% time with my growing sons), the two closest, most affectionate and loving relationships I have in my life are with my sons, 31 & 34. Had the same thing with StepSon for the past 18 years and although he is currently estranged from me, he'll be back.
50% of the time or not, - no, because of the 50% time - you must always be and model your very best each and every time you are with him and always remember: you're not raising a child, a boy, you're raising a man.

In my hardest fathering moments I would ask myself do I want to press this point, overreact, or whatever here, or do I want to remember that my main goal is to build two great relationships with functional independent men 20 or so years from now. I always chose the latter.

And now I'll tell you what I always told them, in this case re: your potential 50% fathering: "Don't tell me what you can't do because of...Tell me what you can do in spite of..."

You can do it.

At a minimum I think she owes me a real explanation and an admission of the A and OM.

You'll never, never get this. And if you do, it won't be true; it will be a history rewrite.

I have again seen pictures, texts, e-mails, notes, cars parked in each others driveways, my W panties rolled into a sandwich bag and stuffed into her purse, and worse....I am 100% sure that she is having an A I have called her on it and the evidence and she still denies it to me.

Cheaters LIE. Cheaters OBFUSCATE. Cheaters RATIONALIZE. Get it through your head.

[Buffet]

Update: had to do a name change as W i think "found" the website. It makes me mad that I cannot even have this space as "mine"

Oh well, weird I am actually glad it is a Monday rather than have the whole weekend to let my mind wander to what could have been?

[Buffet]

So W tonight picked up S2 from daycare and than just did not come home until it was his bedtime. Little doubt where she was. I put my foot down and up her butt a little and said that would stop now and I was sick of her playing games.

She responds with the "What? I did not realize that you were bothered line" I told her very firmly that she was full of C*** and that I am tired of sitting back and watching her disrespect me, and my son and hurt him any more than she already is.

I also let her know that I decided that I will be picking him up from daycare from now on and that she could come and go as she pleased but it would no longer be with him with her. That he is just as equal 50% MY son as her son and that it is time that she realized that.

She of course got pissed and tried to bait an argument. I walked her into the back of the house away from S2 (lately W tries to argue in front of him which I hate) and I let her know again in no uncertain terms what was going to happen going forward.

Reading this might make me out to trying to sound like a tough guy and that is not the point. However, I am flirting closely with the line of how much more I can take from her. I am fed up and disgusted with her lack of respect for anything. I am not going to play her games any more and any fall out from that from her is tough s***, what is she going to do Divorce me?!

UGHH>!!!......Exhale and I am done!

[Buffet]

Update: So last night some buddies went to a basketball game and ran into an old "couple friend" of W and I. I have talked in the past about how over the years W has torched every relationship she has had with everyone at some point or another. This person and his W were a part of 4 couples that we all hung out together and saw one another pretty much every weekend, went on trips together, hung out, etc..

Well we have not seen these people in about 2 years now b/c "they are horrible people" and "I never like them anyway" according to W. So....this guy says "Hey Buffet glad to see you it has really been too long, it is funny we were all just talking about you guys" I say "oh really?" thinking that he has heard what is going on and I am waiting on his reaction. Well here is the shocker---W just called my W and set up plans for XXX birthday on the 27th!" I am a little confused and say "What?" and he says "oh yeah, your W set up plans for that weekend for the bars and what not and said that you guys have a babysitter and was looking forward to seeing everyone again!!"

So, I am shocked that W is still trying to pick and choose and CONTROL this whole thing. I am sure that her plan was to come to the b-day and tell some story about why I could not be there and than try to paint a bad picture of me and her life with me. As stated before many times her goal is to make sure that ALL of "her" friends hate me and think that I am the "monster".

I tell my old buddy the 5 second version "Sorry I wont be there we are going thru a D right now" and leave it at that (no details of W A or anything). Right away he says how sorry he is and that if I need anything all of that stuff, but than he says "Hey Buffet, maybe none of my business but can I ask you a question?" I say sure and he says "Are you guys getting a D b/c of your W cheating?" I kinda look at him and he is apologizing thinking that he overstepped his bounds, I just kinda nod and said yeah that is the main issue I would say, and he tells me that he has thought around the time that we stopped hanging around this group of people 1 1/2-2 years ago that W and the OM were hooking up (which is true-it is the same person).

He than tells me to hang in there and says that he will not say anything to make the situation worse but when I am ready the group would like to talk to me and that everyone cares about me and will always be friends, etc.. Which made me feel good and again touched me as I have learned that I have some great friends that I probably more so than the W have taken for granted over the years.

The other thought though was "How f-ing stupid am I? This has apparently been going on in a manner that damn near everyone at least had suspicions of but me trying to be a nice guy and not overreact let it go and never broached the subject. Than over the last who knows how long this OM has been driving a wedge between W and I.

I am actually not as mad at OM (mostly b/c he cannot help it he is scum and always will be, look at his actions) Plus, W is a big girl and makes her own decisions. I am beyond hurt at what W has done to me, I have always prided myself on being the strong guy and being resilient when things were tough, i have always hung in there and seen things thru.

Now, maybe this is built on a house of cards. When I was single and a young man I had my Father to fall back on and now he is gone, than for awhile I had my father and my W and felt on top of the world. It was all easy, life was good Job was great, had a baby, did fun things, took time off of work when we wanted, had great friends, blah blah blah....

It feels like I have no one really close to lean on now, before if work was tough I went to my dad, later when i had a bad day I could come home and W was there for me. Now---no one. I have great friends and they all care but it is not the same. I need to learn how to enjoy being alone but I have never been that way. I am wired to have a partner and the loss of my partner is hurting right now more than the loss of W as she has actually lately made me feel repulsed to look at. Anyone that could do this to there family, and there little S2, after all we have been thru is not some one that I want to be with, nor is that someone that I want to shape my S2 life going forward.....

[Gardener]

Update: had to do a name change as W i think "found" the website. It makes me mad that I cannot even have this space as "mine"

Good on the name change. I had a similar suspicion once but did not change my name. There are so many forums with so many threads with so much traffic, I figured she'd never find it, even though I am, by trade, a gardener (pretty friggin' clever on my part dontcha think?)

P.S. If you're convinced, do a thread name change, too and start a new one or you're still easily traceable. Don't worry. We'll find you. Clear your history, empty your cache every time you log off.

[Buffet]

How do I change the thread name? I have done all of the other things already.

And no one ever accused us of being clever at sneaking around, maybe our "loving" spouses could help us in that department, mine thinks she is a regular international spy at this point.

It is actually a bit funny if you can separate yourself from your own situation---W is comical with some of the things that she says/does!

[Gardener]

How do I change the thread name? I have done all of the other things already.

I don't know. Anyone?
Heck, just start a new one if no one chimes in with an answer on the name change.
Check with givingitmyall. gima's pretty savvy on these things..