Finally had some time to re-catch up with your sitch. Sounds like you are getting some good advice and doing well. Here are some of my thoughts...
I would put your M DB efforts on temp. hold and focus on D13. Make sure she is able to come to terms with mom. Is the C you are using a licensed child pyschologist? I know your W is in la la land but have you accepted some responsibility for the M issues you are facing and conveyed those to D13? (You know I think the world of you so I am not trying to be critcal.) You asked if you should lie or tell the truth about the current sitch to D13. I would absolutely tell the truth, but she needs to understand this is not all of your W's fault. This does not excuse your W and her actions. I think this approach could pay-off down the road...here's why.
If you can somehow "really" engage your wife in meanding the R between her and D13 and work closely together with her on this tasks, what effect will this have on your W's perceptions about you? (this is assuming D13 is no longer placing all of the blame on mom) I think it will demonstrate to your W that you understand why she is doing what she is doing (validation!!). The process of working together to forge a new R with D13 and your W may generate some family bonding that she is missing and with any luck, help the two of you re-connect. I also think working on a common goal like this will help you show the changes you have made in a non-pursuant and indirect manner.
This is a pretty complicated subject so hopefully this makes some sense. If not, drop me a FB note and I will give you my number to further discuss.
