My Story...possible "grass is greener" scenario?

[Gardener]

nsw,

My stance on my sitch changes from moment to moment..

If this is so (and it's been quite obvious), you should do absolutely nothing regarding your sitch. For quite some time.
Read here.
Read Hold On To Your N.U.T.S., No More Mr. Nice Guy, The Four Agreements, and any books you find here or elsewhere that resonate with you- about you - not relationships.
Work on you. Let/practice letting everything else toxic roll off you like water off a duck's back.

Look up here or on Google The Spiers Doctrine from Band of Brothers or The Stockdale Paradox.

You - more than most, I believe - have to work solely ON you FOR you.