Running out of time.

[dwinter82]

Trying to block out what she is doing, who she is doing it with or what she is thinking is dam near impossible and not a reasonable expectation. GAL'ing to minimize such thoughts is.

I think part of the "acceptance" stage of all of this is to realize that emotional pain is part of the healing process. Although it sucks, maybe we should look at "pain" as a friend. Pain is the driving force for a lot of what we are doing. With out it, would we be trying to improve ourselves? The cool thing is we are all facing this emotion head on and not letting it get the best of us. Does any of this make sense or are there giant elephants crawling out of my butt.

[MHL]

When I was taking anger management after I threw my W out of the house, my therapist taught me to expeience the pain, bring on the images, the thoughts and everything that goes with it. Feel myself move through the emotions, knowing in my head that the feeling will not last forever. I started doing it 2 or 3 times a week then 1 or 2 times a week, then once a week and so on until I don't even think about it any more. The technique is called "Softening to the Pain". It comes out of an anger management book but really applies to any intense emotion.

So yes it makes sense and the last time I looked behind me I did not see any chit covered pacaderms in my wake.

[Cie la vie]

My problem hasn't been so much my inability to stop thinking about what she is doing with OM so much as what her thoughts are about us/me and our marriage. In my hopeful mind I want to believe she is seconding guessing her decision and is miserable as well. I end up punishing myself mentally by assuming she is as happy as she has ever been, glad to be away from me and looking forward to the conclusion of the D. These are the thoughts that I would like to perish.

For whatever reason I have avoided the whole W with other guy visual thus far, maybe that is coming home to roost soon.

No pain no gain applys here I guess.

Brief update. The kids were with my last night and off to to the W apartment later today. Both the little ones are sick with cold and chest cough. I hate to see them sick but they are troopers. I gave them a small dose of Robitussin around 7:00 PM and they were running for bed twenty minutes later.

It was tough to head off to work this morning knowing I won't see them until Monday night. That coupled with my plans for the weekend getting rained out will make this weekend feel much longer. Under normal conditions a longer feeling weekend would be welcome. Funny how these sitchs can cause 180's in more ways than one.

My W has taken a lot longer to respond to a date and time for mediation session 3 and it is in instances such as this that I start to speculate on what she is thinking. Not good must stop.

Who do you like in the Big Dance?

[MHL]

New Orleans, however I was really wanting to see a JETS/Vikings match up, oh well. Going over to good friends house for game, will be good to see everyone, it has been a couple of weeks.

My weekend will be spent gathering all docs needed for separation aggreement, uggghhh. I have been dragging my feet but will get it done tomorrow.

My W has taken a lot longer to respond to a date and time for mediation session 3 and it is in instances such as this that I start to speculate on what she is thinking. Not good must stop.

Yeah, I did that one too but then just when you think there is a change, bam!!! the fall can be hard.

Hope your kids feel better, have a good weekend.

[Cie la vie]

Yeah, I did that one too but then just when you think there is a change, bam!!! the fall can be hard.

Well just before I popped over here to have look at the threads the wife email the mediator and me and she is good to go for Wednesday. Lesson learned. She'll be spending sometime next week getting docs ready for our session.

It's times like this that feel like ice water has been thrown in my face. I still have a hard time believing I am in this mess.

I should know your sitch better but you are pushing the D/separation along in your case or are you simply responding?

Hope your kids feel better, have a good weekend.

Thanks, you too.

I'd like N.O. to win but I'd take the Colts straight up. Giving the points would be tough however.

[Cie la vie]

I'm starting to realize since my W moved out 1/26 that any contact whether via phone, text or email ends up putting me in a funk. Today is no exception. I also need to stop looking at her FB it doesn't help. The stuff I read there just makes me think she is enjoying being away from me. I don't need that on my mind.

I've got to find something constructive to do tonight or I'm going to be stewing in my juices all night. I think this reinforces the fact that I need to limit my contact as much as possible. When I see her Weds it will be the first time I will have seen her since she moved out. I'm pretty sure it will stir strong emotions in me.

It's in these down moments that I start to think asking her a question like "Do you still feel this is the right decision" pop into my head. Time seems to stand still in my empty house. It truly sucks.

[dwinter82]

Colts by 7.

CLV, still sounds like you are in the "shock" phase. According to what I have read, this is followed by the anger phase, which in turn is followed by another fun filled round of shock. I am praying I am at this stage as it means I am that much closer to the finish line.

Hope your kids are felling better as well.

As a side note, if we are all on this forum in the summer, I say we pack are bags and meet in Vegas. This might give me (us) a chance to win all the dam money I (we) have been giving to the L's.

[Cie la vie]

As a side note, if we are all on this forum in the summer, I say we pack are bags and meet in Vegas. This might give me (us) a chance to win all the dam money I (we) have been giving to the L's.

Lets go tonight, I need to get the eff out of dodge.

From what Ive read there are five stages of greiving and shock would be stage one. God I hope I've gotten past stage one of this disaster if not this is going to be one long eff'd upped adventure.

I'm not to worried about the kids they'll be fine. This is their first year in school and seems like they get something new everyother week.

The attorney fees chap my ass. Just another gift in this big bag of crap.

[Cadet]

I'm starting to realize since my W moved out 1/26 that any contact whether via phone, text or email ends up putting me in a funk.

This is why you need to detach/NC. This will help protect YOU! It helps to turn your anger into a shield.

I know its hard but it is what you need to do!

[MHL]

Vegas, yeah!!! I'm there!!! Never been, if you can believe that.

I should know your sitch better but you are pushing the D/separation along in your case or are you simply responding?

I am not pushing anything. When my W was in the hospital for suicide watch, her sister pushed her to get a Lawyer, Controlling b%$ch, (I can say that b/c I used to be a controlling a$$) My wife would have never gotten a lawyer on her own. Now, I feel like she feels like she has to follow through with this crap.

She/her lawyer filed a separation complaint with all this crap about support, custody, legal fees, etc. so I had to go hire a L myself (big waste of money, as we have none) I am actually gather documents right now to give to my L to respond to complaint. I have dragged my feet for 2 weeks on this, I just want to get it over. No one can file for D in North Carolina until you have been physically separated for a year and a day (August 26, 2010). I am not going to file, DBing my a$$ off until then.