One day at a time....

[gutwrenching]

Rocked - you are still an inspiration to me! I would feel the same way, but look at the words, low grade. You've got a ton going on in your life, and have for a long time, you shouldn't be surprised and certainly this takes away nothing from the great person you are. Be proud how well you have held it together for so long. I'd trade places with you!

[Puppy Dog Tails]

This is what I wanted. Right? so, why would I be depressed? It didn't make sense to me.

But, IC pointed out to me that now that I am emotionally safer in the R, I am exhausted, and I have to face all the pain, all the fear, all the hurt, all the betrayal, all the anger. It is so much.

I can TOTALLY relate to that, Rocked! I think that's pretty typical (but scares the hell out of you, nonetheless).

Hugs,

Puppy

[rockedworld]

GW, thanks so much. I truly am grateful to be piecing. But, it is harder than I thought it would be. Still wouldn't trade it though...

PUPPY! Thank you. I don't what it is about knowing you are not along in what you are feeling, but it does seem to comfort somehow. ((hugs)) back.

[Lost Rabbit]

Totally with you RW not only are you dealing with the physical side of piecing but for me the emotional side is just as if not more exhausting.

We had a bit of honest communication last night and tbh I really could just walk away this morning and not fight any more. C over here isnt so easy to achieve and seeing it was the MC that gave him the idea to leave in the first place and validated his behaviour Im not keen on going back down that route. Got two weeks possibly more off now so hoping that a refreshing break and seeing some daylight will give me some renewed invigoration.

[kara]

RW

What's up in Rocked's world?

[rockedworld]

Hey Rabbit... I've noticed you've had a rough time lately... no one told us piecing would be so hard did they? I'm going to try to find some time to catch up on your thread and see whats up...

Kara, thank for checking in! Loved your latest chapter!

Rocked's world is rockin' and rollin'. The typical ups and downs of piecing. Yesterday, got up at 5 a.m. and home at 10 p.m. from all day with S15 at volleyball. He plays at the elite level so there is lots of travel. H, S15 and I spent the day together. Long day, but nice. nice to be together. H and I talked this morning about looking forward to this season, because last season it was all about the A and it was hard to enjoy S15's sports like we normally would. My EA bombaversary will be April 4 and it was when I got the ILYBNILWY speech and the "I've made a new friend at work..." speech which happened while we were driving to another city for volleyball. Last year at this time, while the volleyball season is starting, was the time OW was very busy pursuing H and setting the stage for that. Being around some of the same people yesterday created some triggers for me, but we talked about it, H was very supportive and understanding, reassured me, hugged me. It's a new year, a new season.

[courageous wife]

Nice to see you doing well RW! I read thru your thread but didn't realize that you have been doing this for almost a year! Here I have been whining about wanting this over NOW (and my way of course! :-)). So happy for you! Keep up the good work!

[gutwrenching]

Rocked - a year of this, my you are strong!

[Lost Rabbit]

Hi Rocked

Not far behind you in the year status, well the I cant be a*** status which was followed early May 09 by ILYBNILWY speech. Funny at the beginning we think we will never survive another day let alone another month/year.

Well done for getting through the triggers yesterday and a thumbs up for your H helping you! I keep telling myself all this work will make a much better marriage and hopefully one day our h's will see so too!

[rockedworld]

It's hard to believe we can do this for so long isn't it? If someone would have told me a year and a half ago that I would go through this and survive it, I would have never believed them. I also don't think I would have believed I would forgive it either. But, here I am....

Today is a rough day. H very depressed today. The weight of the consequences of his choices seem to hit him harder somedays more than others, and this seems to be one of those days. We discussed AD meds and he is still feeling quite strongly that he wants to do everything he can not to take them. He said he is worried about the chemicals in them, and side effects etc. He seems to be feeling very hopeless, though.

So, the trick for me is not to jump in to fix and rescue. So, how do I be supportive without doing that? I am finding it so hard. And, detaching is still so hard for me. I am very down myself today, and I know it is, in part, his mood effecting me. I am really trying to work on the detachment. I wish I knew some "trick" to make that part easier.

It gets too easy in these moments to wonder, "am I ever going to be truly valued, wanted, pursued?" I know this M is worth fighting for, I know my family is worth fighting for. But, days like this are so hard.

Anyway, words of wisdom, 2x4's, pretty much anything welcome today... Just need something to hold on to, to see some hope.

I will be eternally grateful I have had this place and you people to turn to during this time in my life. I truly do not know what I would have done without you. I still don't know what I would do without you...