"My ex, my ex, my ex, my ex"........that's all you can think or talk about, and you know what? She's got you right where she's wanted you for a looooooooong time!
You said yourself how badly you treated her before she left you. Didn't you say you hardly ever paid any attention to her? Didn't you say she couldn't take care of D3 as well as you could......b/c you were so particular about how things were done for your D? Didn't you say that you spent almost all your home time on the computer? Didn't you say that you hardly ever took her out anywhere?
Well, honey.....you're thinking about her now, aren't ya? You'd give your eye teeth to be able to take her out and spend time with her at home. Bet you wouldn't make a big deal about how "she" did something for D3 and that "you" could do it better! If you did, you'd be a fool.
You didn't even want her until you found out somebody else wanted her! You know what? If she did come back home, she wouldn't be there a month until you would be treating her like cr@p again! Know how I know? B/c she wasn't up to your standards to marry her, that's why. Go back and read your answer to me when I asked you why you were with her for 7 1/2 years and yet you never M her. Pitiful.....just pitiful. You ought to be horse whipped and if I were her daddy.....you would be!!
You need to learn how to be a man!
Actually Sandi...I didnt push the issue of marriage.
Let me expand on this a bit. I was raised to believe that people should be married before they have kids. And, back when we found out she was pregnant, I wanted to get married right away. She didnt.
I planned a huge romantic dinner and proposed to her on mothers day...and after tears and fears, she said yes. I assumed that within the next year she would want to pick a date. The baby came...and no tlak of a wedding date. Within 3 months of the baby being born, she was already threatening me to leave with our daughter if I didnt do what she wanted. In fact I still have a saved voicemail on my cell phone from where she called me while i was at work to do it.
That's how it worked with us...she would pick a fight over something insignificant while really volleying for something else like wanting to go our to the bar or something, and threaten to leave with the baby if I didnt comply.
For the first 6- 9 months of our daughters life...I was the one at home, up at 2 and 3 in the morning many nights trying to calm our daughter's cries while she was out with her friends/father (and while I had to get up at 6AM every day for work). And who was there for me...to calm my cries as I was trying to take care of a newborn with no experience and no one but myself to count on?
Sometimes it took a month before she would threaten me again...sometimes it was two months. And rarely did any of the threats have anything to do with the "excuses" she gave for leaving me. I say excuses because I still believe she wanted this OM and needed ways to absolve her guilt.
So you see sandi...my daughter and I formed a very special bond the first year of her life. I was the first person to hold her...before my ex even...and I made a promise to her to always protect her. From the way we were treated, I learned quickly if I wasnt there for her there might not be anyone.
My ex didnt really start showing a huge interest in our daughter unless it involved anything "fun".
Even now, when my ex goes to the grocery store, instead of taking our daughter with her in the cart she drops her off at this kids play area. While thats fine every once in a while...she does it every time.
Many people...even her own mother...have said that she doesnt act like she wants to be a mother. She had treated our D like a living doll...and when the doll becomes a nuisance in her eyes it's time to put it down and go play with something else.
And I seem to have gotten off on a tangent...but the reason I ended up not pressing the marriage issue was with all her threats, I was terrified she was going to do exactly what she did. Only instead of her just leaving and cheating on me with OM at her dads house and whatnot, she could have kicked me out of my own home, taken half of what little money I have, and cheated on me with OM in our own home.
And with all that said...why in the hell would I want to go back to a situation like that? I have NO clue. For the life of me I cannot understand why I want to be with someone who has treated me at least equally badly as she claims I treated her. But I do.
And it seems poetic...as I was typing this...my daughter began to cry in her bed. I went up to comfort her. And where is mommy? At the bar with her dad, OM and a lot of other people who are "the wrong crowd" my ex got into once she turned 21.
