Just read OB's thread. Is encouraging, but assures me I'm not past the first step yet.
You're in a different and much better state of mind than he was. Don't compare your situation to his but do take note of the advice he was given as the various situations arose. Add those to your flowchart. i.e. This way when your W raises a challenge, you are prepared and have the appropriate response on hand.
Originally Posted By: Can't give up
I'm going to reread it, with a pen in hand to note specific things that directly apply to my own sitch. Make a few adjustments to flow chart I'm creating.
Excellent. You know what Dale, I don't think I'll be able to "teach" you anything.
Originally Posted By: Can't give up
Still feeling a lot of anger. However I'm begining to feel a 'That's the way it is, take it or leave it' attitude setting in.
I can relate to the anger. All I can say is try not to let it affect your judgment. Your attitude could be a little on the extreme side on some things or just right for others. That attitude is perfect for setting, enforcing and maintaining your personal boundaries and how you want to be treated. You cannot wimp out on those or be afraid that your W will throw a hissy fit when you spell them out.
Anger can be both good and bad. It is bad when you lose control of a situation. You have every right to be feeling hurt and confused. This is why her being away is a gift at the moment because it gives you a chance to differentiate your emotions and a break from constant conflict.
There is one thing that concerns me at the moment and that is this five hour trip home with her in the car on Saturday. I urge you to find a way to avoid it. The reason being: For the last five months the two of you have barely had a conversation... with five hours of forced confinement in a small space the atmosphere going to be extremely emotionally charged. There will be no "out" for either of you if anything gets out of hand.
The situation can quickly degrade into an all out shouting and screaming match. NOT GOOD. Not good at all. This is the least ideal way of being with her again. Call me a pessimist if you will, but I do not see things turning out very well there -- especially because you are fluctuating between anger, hurt, confusion and a myriad of other emotions when she is so far away.
My opinion on this is the following: She found a way to get the money to leave, to abandon her family, her home and husband in pursuit of her fantasy. I see no reason why you should swoop in to be her "knight in shining armor" to save the day. She found a way out... let her find her own way home. Has this always been the dynamic? That you rush in to rescue her... even when she has been wrong?
So, let me re-iterate: For a first "reunion" opportunity... this is probably the worst one I have ever seen. Get out of it because I don't see you as ready to handle that one.
