Update on update Just an interesting (to me) aside re: yesterday's mediation finale:
My TGSTBXW was always a wonderful warm, happy, woman to whom people were naturally drawn. Most common description used in reference to her was "she's so nice" (to the point that she almost hated the term).
Anyway, I, of course, have known that she was replaced by her space alien replica since 11/09/08.
And it wasn't until mid-summer of this year that I saw further changes in her and often referred to her here as, "she with the cold, dead eyes and disdainful look."
Long story longer: when my L called this a.m. to see if I was okay and was satisfied with yesterday's outcome, (and to make some mildly derogatory comments about Mediator and TGSTBXW's lawyer), he concluded with:
"And your wife; My GOD, what an absolute bitch!"
Moral: I saw all the changes, the coldness, the distance, the toxic ways, yet still had some vestiges of the rose-colored, memory glasses on, because hearing someone who I respect spend his first and only two hours with her and come to that conclusion made me realize that I was still not completely seeing or acknowledging the extent of her transformation. I still thought I saw some of the person I once loved in there. A case of finding what you're looking for I guess.
It's not there. She's not there.
Even after fourteen months of working, changing, growing, empathizing, obsessing, DBing, concluding and coming to terms with the brutal reality of my situation, it took a single, simple observation by a stranger, an outsider, to make me finally see, acknowledge, and accept reality.
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
