Not sure if this qualifies as piecing or not...

[TrentC]

I'm rereading The Divorce Remedy again, and working through some of the preliminary steps.

Even though things are stressful right now, I want to be ready for when we start having these conversations again. Or know what I want for the next relationship.

So here are my notes to date:

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Step One: Start With a Beginner's Mind

Stage one -- Passion prevails -- the honeymoon phase
Stage two -- What was I thinking? -- disillusionment
Stage three -- Everything would be great if you changed -- misery
Most couples divorce at stage three
Stage four -- That's just the way my partner is -- awakening
Stage five -- Together at last

Step Two: Know What You Want

List 2 to 3 things that I am hoping to change. Think about what I want, not what I am missing.

1. I want to have at least one day a week to spend time together as a couple ("date night")
2. I want her to offer me physical affection. I would like to make love at least twice a week
3. I want to discuss and make plans for our future
4. I want her to think of me as her confidante and friend again

How will I know things will be getting better? (Not all at once, just in general)

* She will be willing to discuss her medical options
* She will be willing to discuss adoption
* She will want to discuss photography and learing to use her camera
* She will move back into the master bedroom
* She will initiate physical affection or respond positively to my attempts
* She will initiate lovemaking or ask me to (respecting the boundary that I set; at some point, I will initiate lovemaking again)
* She will ask me out on a date
* She will call or text me when we're apart just to visit


Step Three: Ask For What You Want

1. When is she least likely to pay attention, be concilatory, or be patient with my requests?
Right after she wakes up, right after getting home from work (if she has a bad day)

2. When is my spouse most likely to pay attention, be concilatory, or be patient with my requests?
After she is out of bed and up and moving, after getting to relax from work

3. Commit to writing when, in the next few days, you will tell your partner what you want to improve
After the long weekend, maybe during or after the MC session

Step Four: Stop Going Down Cheeseless Tunnels

http://divorcebusting.wordpress.com/2009/09/28/cheeseless-tunnels/

Is there a troublesome situation or argument that arises with regularity?
Household chores
Lack of physical affection or lovemaking