After an extremely dark and gloomy January, we're bathed in glorious sunshine today! Things are blooming! Spring optimism is in the air!
I had my first session with Mr. Expensive IC this morning. I got the fantastic news that if the autism diagnosis gets officially nailed down, there may be funding to pay for his services, for me.
I felt good about the session. He didn't let me blab on and on and really directed the session and conversation, which helped it to be more effective.
He left me with the idea that there are two stories struggling for dominance in my mind. Story #1: I am strong and have the resources to deal with my problems and be effective. Story #2: I am incompetent, ineffective, a failure in many areas. We talked about who is supporting Story #1 (my friends and family) and Story #2 (H, people who don't know me well). We talked about the story of being a middle-aged mother whose H has left her and what a cliche that is. He talked about who gets to tell the story of what is going on, and how politics and society play into the stories. He asked me how Story #2 might be undermining Story #1 (which is obviously more helpful to me right now). He said that I am vulnerable to going into a downward spiral, and that I need to focus outward and not let Story #2 and preoccupation with H lead into worry/anxiety/procrastination and further downward.
The story-telling concept in the therapy is simple, but it does resonate with me. I think that's part of what bothers me about my situation: that someone might tell a story about me that doesn't capture the breadth of who I am and what my life is about. Like H's story that I just want to fight with him, or an onlooker's story that I am a passive victim of my H's actions and my children's needs.
The C was not impressed with my thumbnail sketch of how MC went with my H, and expressed the opinion that the MC did not take a helpful approach.
After C this morning, I also treated myself to some new pyjamas. My "nice problem to have" right now is that I have nothing to wear due to my weight being the lowest that it's been in the last 7 years.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
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