I stopped by as you requested, and a HUGE disclaimer here in that I have NOT read your sitch -- just this most recent long one of yours. But my takes are:
- He's being nice to soften you up pre-legally, which is pretty common;
- You are ABSOLUTELY RIGHT in not being willing to just "go along" on the filing jointly thing. RETAIN YOUR OWN ATTY, and don't do ANYTHING you are not completely comfortable with!
- I do think he got "cold feet" a few times along the way, which is pretty typical for a wayward man (they're all basically pansies at heart, not wanting to leave their homes and wives and INCOMES just for their girlfriend), so he's just doing the "keep two plates spinning on the sticks" thing.
