Doing hard time on the MLC chain gang.

[MHL]

Lets say that your daughter thinks of you as ‘weak’ for this.
Well…

J3B, you have been listening in on my daughter and I when we have our evening talks after S9 is asleep.

Out of all this hell, my daughter and I have become so very close and talk alot. I want my daughter to remember her father as being strong through this mess. I just hope she will admire the strength of sticking to a commitment later in life.

YOU are the template she will be using when looking for later in life. Is she going to be looking for someone who gives up on her, or who will walk through hell for her? Someone who caters to her, or someone she respects?

She has given up on her mother and I guess it is no different than if, GOD forbid, my W had cancer or some other life threatening disease. The difference, of course is the appearance of choice on the part of my W through the eyes of my daughter.

At 13 her world is full of wants, not needs. And what she thinks she wants isn’t always in her best interest.

Not giving her everything she wants, might get her to call you all sorts of names, however she will respect you. I wonder if that isn’t a part of it, in some way. If she feels like she can also bend you to her will like she believes her mother is doing?

This has been a wrestling point for me. This is where I recognize the defiant 13 year old teenager that I am dealing with that is also testing my boundaries just as my W is doing. I know I need to state that while she may not understand my decisions and disagree with them they are ultimately mine. It is hard to do b/c the last thing I want to do is cause my D13 more pain.

Probably doesn't know what a MLC is?

BTW.....Your daughters councelor ? Is she trying to help your daughter ? Or diagnose your wife.....

Pushing for an answer will help no one........

I think I will educate her Counselor on MLC tonight and tell both D13 and C of my decision to see my W through her crisis. I will also let them both know that while I do not know the outcome I/we as a family will be okay no matter what happens.

Thank you Mach1, OP, and J3B.
This is why a came up a couple of floors to this forum, the support and advice here is amazing. I feel like I have a direction to go with tonight and will dictate how I need to support my D13 moving forward. I also think that her C, knowing my desire to fight for the marriage, will be in a better position to help my D13.