how do i keep my hope alive?

[trytryagain]

thanks for the reality check, talia. i know sometimes i go a little overboard with trying to read into what my H is saying in every text, note, email, and face to face meeting. i've been as dark as possible, only responding to notes about financial issues (since we have joint accounts and bills), and i do know that the decisions he's made have been his own and it does feel like they have very little to do with me. when we almost separated in 2008, i think he had a mini MLC (at the ripe old age of 28) and i think some of his actions lately have been driven by the same thoughts that drove him to want to separate once before.

i know i should stop trying to understand every little thing he says or does. i know i should focus more on my EN's than his. i am not in any hurry for him to decide he wants to commit to this, but i DO have to move out of my apartment in less than a month (lease is up and i can't afford to live there without my H), which means either moving in with my sister and putting my things in storage, or signing a lease of my own and with him going back and forth, it makes it hard for me to move on and (literally) move out when i'm feeling like there could be a chance for reconciling.