After reading other posts- I want to write something out, but I'm starting to be able to answer some of my own questions- I feel like I'm growing a bit.
I wanted to see if I should attempt to rationalize w/ W about OM's history about him validating other women while in R, and basically helping them find comfort in leaving R or M.
W admitted feelings for him, there have been lots of lies and nights out, etc, etc, etc.
It would make sense to me to try to figure things out w/ MC and effort...you can not explain away things though, or but but but...I understand that is not confident.
I am also beginning to understand that w/o W experiencing a loss, there is no reason for her to want to stay or work on things.
I'm wondering if I should blast her a little, about the betrayal of my personal secrets and past...she basically told OM all about me and my past to help him validate her feelings of not being in a oving M and wanting out.
OK- here's the plan...don't know if it's even valid since W said she's done and has been out for a week now.
W you have disrespected me and lied to me for the last time. I like not having you in the house, and I like being able to do what I want, when I want, and w/ whom I want. I'm looking forward to being w/ new women to see what that's like. I told you last weekend we need to go through our things and begin figuring out who gets what. In the meantime, I don't want you accessing the house, so I'd like the key back. If you want to see the dogs you can contact me and make arrangements.
I mostly like it, but I think it needs to come up IN CONTEXT. IN other words, if you just proactively do this, in a vacuum, it will appear to be a "technique," or just pissy.
Now, if she says something like "You seem awfully distant lately, what's up?", and you start the "You know, I've been thinking, and I have decided that -- " speech . . . I think that works mo' better.
good deal- I have been pretty bad thus far at these parts. when she left a week ago I ttok the key , then gave it back b/c I have no spine- but I convinced myself it was so she could see the dogs. DENIAL
OK- here's the plan...don't know if it's even valid since W said she's done and has been out for a week now.
W you have disrespected me and lied to me for the last time. I like not having you in the house, and I like being able to do what I want, when I want, and w/ whom I want. I'm looking forward to being w/ new women to see what that's like. I told you last weekend we need to go through our things and begin figuring out who gets what. In the meantime, I don't want you accessing the house, so I'd like the key back. If you want to see the dogs you can contact me and make arrangements.
Puppy, ROB, CUTTER, any suggestions?
Don't email her or text her or call her at all.
that's my suggestion.
When she wants to contact you, she can and you will take your time replying back.
Now you can start living your life and moving in the opposite direction of your wife. She can't chase you if you won't allow yourself to be chased, I hope you understand that, you've always been there, easy to get and women like to pursue men regardless if they admit it or not.
When you start living a great life and she's gone, all of the above message will be communicated without having to write her a note, or emailing or texting her - that's when she gets the point that you are moving in the opposite direction.
Never tell a WAW that you're dating, it comes across as you doing it to make her jealous and that never works, you date without telling her, she doesn't find out by seeing you with another woman, she finds out by the new attitude you have when your confidence and self esteem get a much needed boost in the right direction and you start behaving like you have more value than you've been currently displaying. When you start moving in the opposite direction of your wife, then she will move in your direction and you will need to continue maintaining space & distance between the two of you, it's counter-intuitive and you have to do this for a long period of time, if you do this for 2-3 weeks and comes back and says "I'm sorry, I made a big mistake, I want you back" and then you take her back easily, she will call your bluff, she knew you were faking, she knew you were easy to get instead of hard to get and then she'll leave you as soon as she got you, you have to maintain this for months and make her work for it, make her believe that you've decided you're moving on. With phone calls, texts, and emails, take your time replying back, if she asks why you didn't reply back, you tell her, "I was busy, I forgot, I was doing something else," be vague but show her that it really wasn't in your top list of things that needed to be done - you're done, moving on, enjoying the attention of a woman who wants to be with you and isn't playing games.
understood- the issue is that she is supposed to come to the house later today. I wanted to have something in mind b/c I know what I will do if I do not have a plan.
I know that if she's there I can get the key back and make my stand. If it's by text she will not agree.
W you have disrespected me and lied to me for the last time. I like not having you in the house, and I like being able to do what I want, when I want, and w/ whom I want. I'm looking forward to being w/ new women to see what that's like. I told you last weekend we need to go through our things and begin figuring out who gets what. In the meantime, I don't want you accessing the house, so I'd like the key back. If you want to see the dogs you can contact me and make arrangements.
I'd like to know what the purpose of the above is... seems like a bit of pursuit mixed in with half-assed boundaries and a smidgeon of guilt.
Complete waste of time. So I'll break the above up into pieces...
Originally Posted By: maynard2121
W you have disrespected me and lied to me for the last time.
Do you think she cares? She doesn't and she didn't when she betrayed your trust. Why give her the satisfaction? If she comes back you can raise this issue then.
Originally Posted By: maynard2121
I like not having you in the house, and I like being able to do what I want, when I want, and w/ whom I want.
Sounds like a hurt little school boy... wiping his eyes behind the fence yelling, "Nyah, nyah, nyah" at the bully.
Originally Posted By: maynard2121
I'm looking forward to being w/ new women to see what that's like.
If that's the way you feel then JUST DO IT! Why do you need to explain anything to her... are you still looking for her approval?
Originally Posted By: maynard2121
I told you last weekend we need to go through our things and begin figuring out who gets what. In the meantime, I don't want you accessing the house, so I'd like the key back. If you want to see the dogs you can contact me and make arrangements.
This is the ONLY thing you have said so far that makes sense. YES to the above. Get the key.
Robx I was on here to catch up on May21 sitch and you give great advice. My question for you is what do you do when the WAS is acting like you are telling him to act. My H is acting just like you told May21 to do. If you get a chance can you hop over to my thread?
Robx, I don't know what to tell you to do as far as the key. Maybe not be there. Have her put it somewhere like the mailbox. I hoped I helped. I'm sorry.
