Ring On or Ring Off????

[ddstartingover]

Not worried about whether it will make him mad. It most certainly will---and there's nothing I can do about that. It's just another nail in the coffin so to speak......and in the end means nothing except more pain for me.

[Jack_Three_Beans]

Look, this sucks.

But YOU can make it suck more or less.

Adjust your attitude.

[Upside]

di-
Jack is right. You can choose to think that your H will be angry forever or you can choose to not concern yourself with how he responds. After all, you have no idea what the future has in store so why think it is going to be any worse than it already is? Try to be as positive as you can be. Try to be the lighthouse.

I told you last night that my D and her BF are having problems. Her BF has asked for a "break" rather than a break-up. This may sound stupid to you but maybe for now that is how you need to frame this situation in your mind. Your H claims he still cares, that is much more than many people here get from their spouses. For now you and your H are on seperate paths but who knows what the future will bring. That is the attitude I am trying to take. Yes, this is an ugly mess and so unfair but you can choose to let go of some of the negativity, accept things for what they are at this moment and try to open your mind up to whatever life brings your way.

(((HUGS)))

[kjensen]

Don't create a self-fulfilling outcome by having (negative) expectations of your husband's response to asking for a fair financial settlement.

If there is one constant about a MLC, its that there is no constant. Its a journey, which implies there is movement(sometimes we see it, sometimes we don't). The direction is unknown..Expect nothing. The ride goes up and down and its hard for any of us to know the next turn from the next hill.

You will be OK.

[ddstartingover]

Thank you all. I guess it's time to end the pity party.

[Jack_Three_Beans]

yeah...might be time.

You'll feel better.

Instead of all suffering compounded.

[ddstartingover]

I was able to get my packet of information put together for the L. As I drop it in the mail today, I know my life will be forever changed. This is something I NEVER thought I would have to do. I know I don't have the choice anymore, but it doesn't help much---knowing that.

I've been reading more threads over the past few days. Although I have read a lot over the past two years, I've not focused in on how much pain the MLC'er is in. I've been too focused on my pain----and convinced myself that my once very loving H was so convinced that what he was doing was right that he had lost all emotion and feeling and thus just didn't care about my pain. Guess I should have stopped wallowing in self pity long ago.

I don't know what my future will be. Will I be able to stay in my home---a home I've lived in longer than any other, my children's home? How will I cope? How will I conduct myself through the D process? Only time will tell. I have accepted though that that's the road I am now on. It's not my choice, but out of my hands.

[Jack_Three_Beans]

TCBTE,

Ahhhh...

Going to the lawyer to get a divorce wasn't exactly what I meant about stop having a pity party.

I know I don't have the choice anymore,

That is not true.

I've not focused in on how much pain the MLC'er is in. I've been too focused on my pain----and convinced myself that my once very loving H was so convinced that what he was doing was right that he had lost all emotion and feeling and thus just didn't care about my pain. Guess I should have stopped wallowing in self pity long ago.

Yeah, you should have.

So let me ask you, have you changed any behaviour on your part that you found lacking in yourself? Have you become more independant? Have you improved yourself? Or have you stayed the same? Worn your battered heart on your sleeve the whole time?

Yeah they are in MLC and they are f-ing crazy, but some if not many of their complaints about us ARE valid.

We take a look at those complaints and find WE don't like them either and we change them for ourselves? And when they look at us they see a better person? Or they see the same person they associate with their turmoil?

You had a choice, hell you still do.

Cowgirl up TCBTE.

It's not my choice, but out of my hands.

coward.

[ddstartingover]

I thought you congratulated me on finally reallizing that I needed to seek legal council? That is what I am doing.

I am VERY independent, but ALWAYS have been. I took on everything at home while my H went to work----that was everything, cooking, cleaning, shopping, plumbing (really----changing faucets, drains), electrical work (put in new light fixtures, switches), etc.---everything on my own. H went to work everyday. I took on everything else. All the while taking care of the kids (3 in 5 years) and running them everywhere. I also worked for him and his law firm, other law firms from the home. I have NEVER been a helpless, boo hoo kind of person. I was unhappy. I had nothing for me. I have worked on this----but very rarely have the time to actually DO anything. I know what I need to do and do it when I can though.

I have taken very hard looks at myself. I know what I did wrong, how I looked at things were wrong. I didn't appreciate his need for a life outside our marriage/family. I didn't have one, didn't think he needed one. I am doing my best to find time to do things for me now. I've done my best (when given the opportunity) to make it known that I appreciate what he does for himself. Most of the things that I have identified that I did wrong, I don't get the opportunity to show that I've changed.

I found a full time job. I am now fully employed, and doing it all at home now too.

While he has been gone I haven't asked for anything. I have given all that he wants --- as far as scheduling for the kids and his space. I have made it known that I still considered the house OUR home and invited him to stay for meals, and invited him for anything family related. I haven't asked for ANYTHING from him but answers. AND I know that was wrong to do. In response to e-mails (E-MAILS) about divorce I gave in to emotion and blamed him for putting us in this position and what he was doing to our kids and our family---YES, I know that was wrong, but too late for that now. I've begged for another chance.

Tell me. What am I to do. It seems to me that giving him his divorce now is all I have. This may be the only thing I can give him to show that I am different----and no longer begging for that chance.

Please. Tell me. What should I be doing?

[Drew]

Be still.