This day turned crazy. Check up with Doctor, then stopped by to see counselor a few minutes. 4 missed calls from W, no mess left. But she wasn't priority at the moment.
Talked to mother of grandson. She's had a blowout with live in boyfriend. Can't afford place by herself. Needed $500 for deposit on new place. Will be picking up grandson Saturday afternoon. She wants him out of that picture till she's settled into a new place.
After that was settled, checked text I had received. Was from W. In it W says that the night before she left, she had prayed to know what was right. That by the time she arrived there, she knew OM wasn't right, realized she didn't really care for him. But still thought D was what she needed for herself.... Then a week later she had had a few drinks with a college girlfriend, had too much, ended back at the room early. Says she felt very alone, needed to talk to someone, but phone was dead, and had left charger in girlfriends car. Feeling depressed, lonely, she want for a walk. Later ran into two elderly men who she didn't feel threatened by, talked with them for an hour. Seems they were from our same church, just different city. Had ended up praying with them. That when she woke the next morning, she knew D wasn't the right answer either, but felt confused as to what she really wants or needs. That would have been the night before she first called after NC for 7 days.
Then called W to see why she had been calling. W says she had spoke with grandsons mother, knew I would be picking him up Saturday afternoon. Was pleased she was able to change her flight, would land about an hour after I picked up grandson. 'WE' could all come back together.
Have thought this through, 'Wish list' from Gno has to become a 'to do list', NOW. Working through it now. Flowchart with realistic goals, planting that 'not pursuing' attitude into a habit, installing honest, sincere strategy for boudaries.
IMO, if 1/2 of what she says is true, it still leaves me as 2nd choice. That leavesme very angry. The 4 C's will have to help control the anger I feel. My first inclination is to drop everything I feel on her like a ton of bricks. Not a very effective offence, or defence at this point.
After I post this, will be taking Gno's advice, going to Puppy Dog Tails 'OnceBurden's tread'. Know by now, if Gno said it, there will be things there to fold into the strategy I will need.
Gno, MF, CG, and all who dropped a thought in. With the advice thrown my way, I don't feel like I'm going into this battle completely unarmed.
W knows grandson ALWAYS sleeps 90% of this trip. So W knows we will basically be alone 90% of that 5 + hours. So W knows there will be either talk, or angered silence. Tomorrow makes 5 month's since we have talked about R for more than 2 minutes. And that she was the one who avoided it.
So what is in W's mind? On the phone she sounded so cheerful, as if nothing had ever happened, except no 'I love you' at the end.
Again, IMO, this may be when boundaries come in. Now that I know what's coming, I feel up to the challenge, but know anger is the biggest obstacal. If boundaries come into play, they have to be sincere, honest, but definate. That the 4 C's will have to be in place to control the anger, and that a workable, ajustable strategy must be formost. And last, but not least, I know this trip could either be a begining, or a total trainwreck.
Thank God I have all of you to watch my back, hand needed ammunition when needed. Taking off now to PDT's thread to get more ammo.
