Sandy, I know this is a huge risk. And I am not taking things lightly.
I sent him him a reply to his letter. Saying he is not useless to me, I am still here after all!! Saying to him that who he is didnt scare me away, that "in love" is based on good side presented, love is based on loving all sides and I am still here. I told him what is pushing me away is that the last 3 years he lost himself, lives his life with no direction, no feeling of belonging, no goals, no happiness. He left his home, a mans' castle, only to wander aimlessly, compare our "team" to a non important person, and still refuses to move forward, refuses to improve, refuses to mature, grow up. I told him this refusal is what will push me away for good.
I told him to me, he seems in a hole, I cant pull him out. I will be there if he asks my help, but I cant be doing the weight lifting, he needs to own the process.
In a few words, I decided to stick to my guns but made it clear, I will not let him down when he is "down", I just wont save him.
He called and said my email wasnt mean. He said it didnt offer anything "new" but he understands what I am saying. We talked for a bit. I asked him if he misses her, if there could be a chance he is still in love and that doenst allow him to dedicate himself to us. He said no, he said they have absolutely no contact and that he already told me he loves ME.
We talked a little bit about sex. He said, to him, sex will come once things get better, he is not in a hurry. He thinks like a woman for God's sake!! He wants us to "connect" before we do make love. I told him I think lack of physical connection for me is a problem that only gets worse. We see that differently obviously.
I will suggest he makes a firm plan with the C. Maybe I wont suggest it but let her tell him again as she already did : he goes every week and we go every 2 weeks.
In the meantime, I will stay focused, calm and try to get my mind off this. I will try to enjoy our time together and watch him. I am pulling the cart for a little while longer. He seems to realise what his responsibilities are. He knows he is not getting off the hook this time. K
