feel like giving up - talk to me!

[Gnosis]

Hey Rob, glad you're here to post your opinions. I agree with most of what you said, because we've told Luv the same thing... only with different words -- it appears your way of saying things is getting through to her.

Read her thread, she has posted umpteen examples of the fact that he believes she'll always be there, never telling her he loves her, not responding to calls or texts, not telling her he loves her, never taking her feelings into consideration.

Yes, that's true... Do you remember on Jan 17 where I asked:

What does your H need to do to win you back?

And Luv replied:

1 - He needs to realize he has hurt me deeply and APOLOGIZE sincerely.
2 - Tell me he wants to work on our marriage that it is a priority!
3 - Be honest and transparent.

That's pretty much it - if he really loves me - simple!

And then the VERY NEXT DAY this is what was posted:

You said...

1 - He needs to realize he has hurt me deeply and APOLOGIZE sincerely.

then...

He said he knows he's been a jerk and he's sorry..first time ever admitting that.

Completed.

You said...

2 - Tell me he wants to work on our marriage that it is a priority!

then...

he says he wants to work on our marriage

Completed.

You said...

3 - Be honest and transparent.

then...

He continues to talk about his unhappiness and still telling me he feels awful about his mom being gone. <snip>
to his not being happy - he loves me but he feels lost! <snip>

Completed.

You have your three things from yesterday Luv. Now what else does he have to do?

So.. her H met her demands... but that was not good enough. Luv claims to have been DB'ing, but was still too attached and looking for reasons to hammer the guy. She held onto her resentment and hurt and was in her own fog. She has been trying... but only half-assed. She has not been willing to put aside her anger and resentment to truly make an effort on GAL or 180's. In the process the kids got involved and chose sides... hers.

DB'ing says to become a better option. Nowhere here have I seen her become the 'better option.' Instead she has been working hard on herself to become the worse option. Instead of taking advantage of the time he has been away for work to find things that make her happy... she spent most of that time with a green icon on the board and at home moping and feeling sorry for herself.

Yes, her H has been a jerk. A major jerk. No one is arguing this fact and I'm not defending him. His behavior is despicable. No excuses.

With that in mind, Rob I'd like you to ask yourself this question... and please give it some honest thought. Look at this from her H's point of view: If this was your W and this was how she was behaving...
Would you feel like coming home to her?
Wouldn't you stay away and breathe a sigh of relief?
Wouldn't you feel free because she's giving you the excuse you've been waiting for?
Why would you look back?
What reason would you have to look back?

Can you answer those questions?

There is a reason why you become the better option. A WAH is a different creature to a WAW. Sure, they share some similarities, but a WAH is much easier to turn than a WAW.

And Luv... there is a lot I haven't said here... because you confided in me. Perhaps it's time you shared that here too so that people will get a better picture.