Running out of time.

[Cie la vie]

Thanks for the link. I have checked out some of that in the past and I have read the six stages before as well.

The kids are back with me through tomorrow morning. Both have colds and are a bit whiney.

I looked at my W facebook page this morning and she had commented she was getting together with the "girls" on our street for dinner last night. I've been acutely aware of the neighbors giving me the cold shoulder save for the husband of one the "girls" next door.

My W threw me under the bus with everyone and probably played the martyr card in the process. I'm positive she never mentioned the other side of the story her A to anyone, just how poorly I have treated her etc. etc.

I decided to email my W and the mediator with my availability for our next session. It's unanimous with those close to me that I should push the process along. I've waited a couple of weeks and I realize it is because I am trying to hang on to hope that things might workout. I now realize I am just delaying my ability to fully detach and move on myself.

Moments after I sent the email my W called. She called to remind me that I have to pay our nanny tonight and she also mentioned that the kids were scheduled to get H1N1 flu shot but because they are sick that won't happen. I also owe her a check for several different bills she payed. The call was relatively brief and purely business related.

It seems quite clear to me that she is content in her decision. I feel she is in the midst of a MLC but she was also a firmly a WAW as well. I know patience is in order but I am discouraged. Part of me really wants to initiate R talks but I don't think that will go well for me. My hope has been that as time went on she would reflect on her decision and possibly soften enough to open conversaton about working on the M.

I've come to the conclusion that this is wasted energy and not where my focus needs to be. As difficult as it is I need to block her out of my mind and focus on me and the kids. I've done a decent job of this but I have room for improvement.

We'll see what is in store in the coming weeks.