You guys have some really interesting prospectives and make some valid points!
I love it.
Reality, that's my last reply on all of this, review the stories on this forum, take what info is applicable, view the effects on men when their wives suddenly lose interest and walk in the opposite direction and look how frantic most of these men react and how they work hard to get their wives back, alot of these men were doing the same things your husband is doing to you - they all admit now that they were dumb and shouldn't done better.
What motivated them to act and change?
Fear of loss.
It's the common denominator in all of these LBH's threads. And then another man comes into the picture, so not only are the wives leaving, someone else is waiting to take what these men no longer can hold on to.
I haven't read one LBH's thread that said, "I'm here just for $hits and giggles, my wife left and I'm super happy!!!!"
the reason a WAS walks away from the M is because they weren't being loved in the way they needed it, and they were hurt. we can't blame everything on them. it's a 2 party deal. it takes 2 people to deteriorate a marriage.
WOW more reality, and I didn't have to post it in my own words, someone else is doing it for me ;-)
so Rob, why are you so bent on believing that her H has never tried and doesn't give a crap?
It's Luvless' fault, she made me believe this!
LOL!
Read her thread, she's telling us her story about how he mistreats her, I'm not making this stuff up - that would be weird?!
there have been several times IMHO that H has tried to reach out, but luv continued to have bitterness attached to her and I feel several times she lost an opportunity to reconnect.
Rob, the other thing is, everything he is doing is by the book. he's acting EXACTLY like my H did. I changed myself because I'm the only person I can change. just like luv's sitch, and like your own, but when you DO change yourself, then the whole sitch changes and the other person changes. it's not guaranteed that your M will be saved, but your chances are greatly improved if you follow Michelles great advice.
it doesn't matter what he's doing, because all that is just a symptom of his pain. But it matters what LUV will do. and the more consistent she is, the better chance she has. And that's what we want to see, is her to DB as consistently as she can.
sorry, I'm watching kids, so I can't quite focus on this entirely, as I'm playing Hi Ho cherryo at the same time. lol
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
yes, but are you looking through HIS eyes too? there is always 2 people to consider.
I feel that because I've been on both sides, I have a good perception on how the WAS feels, because I was one years ago.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
obviously we both want to help you, and I'm glad your getting lots of feedback.
make a good day today and start enjoying YOUR life.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
hey guys, I'm not being rude, that's just me and my smart ass ways, ST, I'm a guy, I'm looking at it from his point of view, but you don't enable someone's crap behavior, man or woman. I was a LBH and now I'm a WAH and that's where I need to be right now, it's the only place to be, I finally stopped submitting to my feelings on what I felt should work and I finally embraced reality and accepted what does work and it works for both men & women.
Her husband takes her for granted, that's a given. He shows that he doesn't care for her, and he blatantly ignores her. He enjoys way too much power in this relationship currently, and people who have too much power in a relationship abuse that power, he is no different and I don't feel that he's suffering. If anything, I had thoughts every now & then that he had a piece of somethin' on the side - I could be wrong but that was a thought that crept inside my head after reading some of the exchanges Luv has had with her husband.
rob would you mind taking a look at my sitch and offering any ideas for hwere I'm at currently. I would love to be in your position...from reading your sitch it sounds like you really have your life together and are in a great place. thanks
Her husband takes her for granted, that's a given. He shows that he doesn't care for her, and he blatantly ignores her. I don't feel that he's suffering. If anything, I had thoughts every now & then that he had a piece of somethin' on the side - I could be wrong but that was a thought that crept inside my head after reading some of the exchanges Luv has had with her husband.
This statement couldn't be more true.....
M44 H41 M20 T23 3 older teens Bomb Nov 09 "i'm not happy" EA Nov 09 w/coworker Another PA in Mar 10 I Filed Apr 10 D final Dec 10
