I know GW, I talked with my IC yesterday about how ironic it was that the thing I had been doing in my M that I thought was a "good" thing (being accepting, easy going, not rocking the boat, etc.) was, in effect, a huge factor in what lead to the crisis in our M (not that I am taking responsibility for H's choices... not at all! I just have to own my part). I wish I had seen it sooner. You have the ability to change that now.
It is possible that this crisis with the dog will have some effect on waking your W up out of the fog... to see her kids' emotions about loss. My H and I just talked about this last night - there were two crucial things that happened that started to wake him up. One was when he told the kids he was considering moving out and they all cried. It shook him up and got him to recognize how much he would be hurting them. Second was a funeral we attended at that same time of the pastor who had married us. H said he had to start to realize the impact of loss and that he had the option to not create more loss by ending the M.
Right now, you are doing the right thing to focus on the sitch with the dog, your kids' emotions, being together as a family. You will all be grieving, and hopefully can pull together to get through that.
