Going straight forward...antlers 6th thread.

[antlers]

iwitw (and antlers),

For me, the best help has been 'Don't take things personally' I use it over and over, just saying those words at times when I start to dwell on STBXW or anything else that is going on.

Amen, iwitw.

When I got to "Don't make any assumptions" I did some serious soul-searching and realized - and had to admit to myself - that EVERY ONE of the dozens and dozens of assumptions I had made in the past year or so about my sitch, my wife, my life, my worries, my fears, etc. - EVERY ONE turned out not to be even remotely true or factual. None come to pass. And for that I wasted time, energy, drained myself, lived an internal monolog of frenzied, fictional drama. And for what?

Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

Thanks, again, to Gypsy for turning me on to the book, too.

I've started doing that with my kids more, and it seems to help. It's hard to hear the things they say, and to put up with their behavior sometimes...but I'm really working on not taking it personally. They are eaten up with emotions themselves at their ages...and the crap that they've been dealing with between their mother and I certainly multiplies their angst.
It's been my experience, for the most part, that making assumptions has turned out for me the same way you say it has turned out for you.