Every now and then, I see glimpses of the woman I fell in love with and M'd. Then, as quickly as she appears, she's gone again.and then it makes me think....do I want to live with glimpses?
Hell, in the last two weeks I've seen the first two glimpses in fourteen months. And those glimpses were broaching the subject of remorse. Almost - almost - got sucked in. Instead I emailed her after the phone call
Originally Posted By: Gardener
Subject: Our final email. (Mrs. G),
I just said, "I was changeable. You were changeable. We were improvable."
You agreed.
You said you harbored resentments that you never gave voice to, that you were never taught to give voice to.
And I admitted to the exact same thing, adding that I realize now that my resentments toward you were really misdirected resentments against myself: resentment for accepting the unacceptable, for not voicing it, for fearing the conflict that voicing them would have precipitated.
We never - or very rarely - fought. We should have. I read two separate authors this year who said that never fighting is their number one indicator of eventual divorce. Who knew?
And yet, Wednesday we divorce. You and I. (Mrs. G) and G!. Divorce.
"Pride hears its voices and fear wins again And another cruel ending calls."
You have needlessly and selfishly destroyed everything. Everything.
Goodbye, (Mrs. G).
Gardener"
And then five days later she tries to put the screws to me in Mediation.
Keep your friggin' "glimpses."
Last edited by Gardener; 02/01/1002:57 AM.
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
Well put. And, I agree wholeheartedly. Every now and then, I see glimpses of the woman I fell in love with and M'd. Then, as quickly as she appears, she's gone again.
In my case...when she would dissappear back into herself, it was almost as if the tough her was catching herself acting like she used to...and she was like "hey I cant be acting like that".
And yeah...you shouldnt settle for anything else than having 100% of the person you fell in love with back...as the person they became is the one who hurt you anyway.
She sent me a text yesterday that she wants to save our family, but just "just doesn't feel the way she should" about me. She said it's frustrating to her. I just said I'm sorry and that must suck. What the hell else can you say to that?
It may sound like a good thing that she would like to save our family, but I've heard this line so much since this started that it just doesn't excite me anymore.
Me: 35 W: 31 S:9 M: 10 years Together 13 MySitch - Ups & Downs She moved out the day before Thanksgiving 2009, over 13 months post-bomb.
I'm a little at a loss today. W has texted me with little made up reasons to contact me, she proposed our "date" from last weekend even after I turned her down twice. She told me recently that she k ows that I deserve better. She was at her GF's house the other day and left because she knew I would be uncomfortable going there to pick up S8. She told me that I am a great Guy and she doesn't know what is wrong with her. She also told me that she wants to save our family, but just isn't ready for some things yet.
With that all said, she continues to say things like "I just don't feel about you like i should. " I don't feel like I "should" after all of this either. I don't pursue. I don't talk R at all. She still knows that she could one back at any time she wanted to though. I don't think she's really experienced loss yet.
There have been positive steps, so I'm not sure if I should give an "in or out" demand, but I sure don't want to go on like this anymore. I don't think she does either. I honestly think that she saw the grass is brown on that side on the fence now, but after all that has happened doesn't feel a spark with me anymore either.
What to do...what to do...
Me: 35 W: 31 S:9 M: 10 years Together 13 MySitch - Ups & Downs She moved out the day before Thanksgiving 2009, over 13 months post-bomb.
EB, do you still feel a spark for her? Do you still think you will be happy together if you're together?
Seeing as I'm not a DB model I cant advise either way what you should do but I think those questions are very important in helping you decide what you want.
I'm a little at a loss today. W has texted me with little made up reasons to contact me, she proposed our "date" from last weekend even after I turned her down twice. She told me recently that she k ows that I deserve better. She was at her GF's house the other day and left because she knew I would be uncomfortable going there to pick up S8. She told me that I am a great Guy and she doesn't know what is wrong with her. She also told me that she wants to save our family, but just isn't ready for some things yet.
With that all said, she continues to say things like "I just don't feel about you like i should. " I don't feel like I "should" after all of this either. I don't pursue. I don't talk R at all. She still knows that she could one back at any time she wanted to though. I don't think she's really experienced loss yet.
Agree with her when she tells you that you deserve better and that you are a great guy. "Yeah, I have heard that a lot lately."
Let her know you don't feel like you should either, this is getting old, you aren't attracted to her like you should be, let her know you are thinking about some tough decisions. Then really drop the rope, GAL for yourself, stop worrying about her feelings and open your eyes to the world around you. Have fun and make yourself happy.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Thanks for checking in guys. No, I don't feel that same feeling for her anymore, but I think I could find it again. I've told her some of those things, and have done a half way decent just getting a life. It has been needed. If any newbie's are reading this, heed that advice when you get it.
It just feels like things could sit like this forever and I still have resentment that builds.
No sign of OM still though. I guess that's a good thing.
Coach - you're always saying that we're being watched. I don't k ow that my W was watching a few months ago, but she seems to be now. Mysteriously it seemed to come about just as I started watching her less.
Me: 35 W: 31 S:9 M: 10 years Together 13 MySitch - Ups & Downs She moved out the day before Thanksgiving 2009, over 13 months post-bomb.
