Doing hard time on the MLC chain gang.

[MHL]

I am sort of stuck here with respect to my children, I think I know my answer here but wanted to see what you guys thought.

D13 is having a very hard time, last night late she and I were talking and she broke down crying. She wants mom permanently out of her life, wants us to move so there is no chance of interaction with mom etc. D13 is grieving the loss of her mom just as we grieve the loss of our spouse and marriage.

S9 on the otherhand is now feeling more of a need to be around mom more. He is realizing that it has been 5 months since she has been out of the house and he is sensing that she might not be coming back. He is losing hope. And he is breaking down also.

My kids up to this point have done pretty good but I can see they are both in pain and I am having to weigh the needs of one against the other. S9 needs to see mom more and D13 doesn't need/want to see mom at all.

Spoke to D13's counselor (just started last Saturday). D13's C said " It would be helpful if the kids new where the R between the W and I stood and what was going to happen." I told C that I want to work it out but I know my W is in the throws of MLC and while she does not want work on the R, I remain hopeful for reconciliation in the future.

D13's C recomended getting with my W to push the issue of where we are at which I am not going to do but I hate to see my D13 in pain. Part of her pain is the uncertainty of our future, this is killing me. D13 and I are meeting with D13 C toinght to discuss, I want to be honest with my daughter about where I stand but she along with her C, my friends, family etc. want me to give up and move on.

Do I say to D13, I have not given up hope for mom and I to get back together which the very thought of having to be back in the same house with mom tears up D13. Or do I somewhat lie and say "yes, it is over and we are going to get divorced" in order to help her move on.

I am so angry with my W for doing this to our family, to our kids. I want to let her have it, but know I can't and it that is not part of who I am anymore. I wish I could let her know the level of pain she is causing.