feel like giving up - talk to me!

[S.T. _I Made It!]

okay, since I've been on BOTH sides of this situation, I feel I have a lot to give.

true, I am not luv, and I'm not her H, and I'm not God overlooking their whole sitch, but from what I've read, luv has not tried in the right way, and neither has her H.

they have been doing the same things to each other. they are both inconsistent. However, they have both had times here and there where they were reaching out or making a step in the right direction but generally not at the same time. The other thing is, the WAS NEVER looks at reality, so we cannot just focus on reality because they are living ONLY on feelings.

We have to live compassionately because our WAS had been hurting for a long time, and even though we are too, we are the ones here and we are the stronger ones, and we have been given the opportunity to save our M and save ourselves and save our spouse. So, therefore, we must act differently then we would ever think we should act. We must forget our instincts and our normal reactions and start looking at what works and what doesn't. BUT consistency is the key. otherwise nothing will work.

the reason a WAS walks away from the M is because they weren't being loved in the way they needed it, and they were hurt. we can't blame everything on them. it's a 2 party deal. it takes 2 people to deteriorate a marriage.

So, again, IMHO, luv, just keep your focus on God, on you, on your kids, and don't have any expectations on your H, and just treat him as a lost soul because he is. don't let his actions change how you feel. you have to let him go too.

as far as him living at home, I feel that is a better option, because then you have more opportunity to GAL and DB in front of him. It is better that he spend more time around his family then around people who would influence him down the wrong path. But it will only be better if you can do this for real, and do it consistently.