don't have time to read everything now...but I saw this.
Quote:
I haven't been on the forums in a while but reading your thread from beginning to end I finally realized you've been trying so hard, pursuing, controlling your conversations, tip toeing around him, trying to be the better spouse, doing nice things, and yet all of this good behavior on your part gets you..... NOTHING!
I'm sorry, but this I disagree with. granted luv, I know you have been trying, I don't discredit that one bit. But, it's how we try that makes a difference. I think your H had been trying too, but again, it's how you try that makes a difference. Just the fact that he was still there means he was trying.
so, anyways, I really feel that you have not done any of this 100% like G said, and before trying all these different things, I think you need to just start DBing for real. stop chasing him, stop caring what he's doing, start caring about what YOU are doing. Be cordial and polite with him, do not ignore him, but be busy making YOUR life worth living.
ST you can disagree all you like and seriously I have nothing against you or your ideas. But... that being said, you can also tell me the sky isn't blue and that there is no gravity on this planet and we're all floating around but I will focus on reality.
Too many people on this forum focus on their feelings but not on reality, they act based on their feelings instead of reality.
Reality is your guide, follow it, do what works.
Her husband hasn't been trying. Luvless has made umpteen posts on this thread detailing what he does and in a nutshell, he doesn't give a $hit. He takes her for granted and he'll be the schmuck that logs on to this site a year from now explaining how he was a bad husband, took his wife for granted, never appreciated her and now that she's moving on, he's going to try desperately to do whatever it takes to win her back.
Maybe you're right ST, I've never read any man on this site post on a thread with a story similar to what I've just described.... LOL!
;-)
Here's another little tidbit, even though I use the word from time to time, I have been training myself lately to stop using the word "try" or "trying", you know why? Trying implies failure, it really does.
"I'm going to try this and hope it works out"
Translation, I'm going to try this and I'm expecting to fail again.
There is no trying. Do or Do not. No trying.
What luvless has done is explain that her hubby doesn't reciprocate love & attention the way she would want to receive it. You can give her all the methods in the world to show him you love him, give your hubby bj's 3 times a day, kiss his ass, when he yells at you, keep your mouth shut because just because he's angry, you don't have to be angry, just because he doesn't give you attention, doesn't mean you have to act the same way, just because he doesn't call you or text you doesn't mean you shouldn't, just because he doesn't tell you he loves you, doesn't mean you shouldn't do those things and continue doing it for years and years until he finally says
"EUREKA!!! I finally get it, I love my wife, why didn't I see this before?!"
No, you would rather her jump through all the flaming hoops and build up a $hit load of resentment and then when that anger & resentment builds up and fills her up to her eyeballs and she explodes, you tell her to apologize to her hubby.
Reality, follow it, it will give you better results. Go against reality, you'll be doing a million different things, never getting successful results and always wondering, "what does it take to get him/her to respond?"
At what point do you stop making her insane? At what point do you finally acknowledge that the definition of insanity is doing the same f!@#$%* thing over & over again expecting different results. You have the forums on this site filled with people pursuing, kissing ass, and literally chasing their spouses away because no one knows how attraction works for men & women, no one understand human nature and basic human psychology.
Do you ever notice that people always want equal treatment, fair treatment, reciprocation, mutual benefit, mutual satisfaction. Human beings and life in general is all about balance. There is a left & right side of the brain, you have 2 arms one on each side, same thing with your legs, east & west, up & down, north & south, men & women, good, bad, beautiful, ugly, good guys, bad buys, law & crime, hot & cold, wet & dry etc. - do you see where I'm going with this. Human beings and life in general, we're all wired for this balance, when we fight it, go against this basic principle, we fail. When you notice something is missing in your life, it's because it's missing, we're used to balance, harmony, reciprocal behaviors.
Keep doing what you want, that is your right in life, I would rather invest my efforts in doing what works, I'm results oriented, happy with my life and doing awesome.
Luvless my advice still stands, do what works, stop doing what doesn't work.
