Doing things for yourself is not confined to just things you like. Look at yourself now and ask what is one thing you can do to make one part of yourself better or as part of a progression towards a better person. Then DO it.
I think maybe I've finally figured out some things I can do for myself that would be just for me and if I can do them successfully I will indeed be a better person.
The first is to let go of the past and really truely accept that there is nothing I can do to change it. I find myself thinking about moments, conversations, situations, and thinking if only I had/hadn't known/said/done etc. If I can truely let go of the past then I will likely be happier.
The second is to not daydream about the future and build up a situation that may or may not ever happen. I find myself thinking about conversations and activites that I would like to be having with my ex that may not ever happen and if they did they may not go like I daydream they will. All that does is set me up for a fall, and so if I avoid doing that I will also likly be a much happier person.
The third is to spend more quality time with D3. Since all of this happened, I've been so caught up in my own pain and sorrow that I havent done as much of the fun activites I used to do with D3 including playing and such. I think aside from doing things at home, I can take her to movies, childrens museums, dinner out, etc.
In general I want to become more emotionally stable...I want to feel happy and normal again and not sad or angry or any of the other emotions that accompany the roller coaster. I think if I am able to accomplish the first two things I will likely be much more emotionally stable and therefor be better off for it.
I think one more thing I could do to help me be a better person is to forgive...both myself and my ex. I think I need to forgive her for leaving to be with the OM because at the time she was doing what she felt she needed to to be happy. I need to forgive myself for not seeing the warning signs and for not being able to get my ex back when she left because knowing what I do about WAS's and relationships in general her leaving and her coming back are out of my control...only she can make those decisions.
I dont know if these are the right kinds of things I am supposed to be thinking about...nor do I know how long it will take for me to successfully accomplish them. But I do believe that if I do all of them I will feel better and likely be a better person.
As I type this though...I cant help but miss my ex. I'm sad that I wont see her until Saturday...and I'm sad that she's going to be going through a lot of pain after her teeth extraction and I cant be there to take care of her like I would if we were together. I'm sad that I cant reach out to her or tell her how sorry I am that she has to go through this, because it would be pursuing. Most of all though...I'm sad because whenever I used to be sad about stuff like this I could always count on a hug from her to make me feel so much better...and not only have I not gotten a hug from her since that November morning she told me we needed to talk, I will likely never get those hugs and comfort from her again...someone else will be getting them.
