I've still been following this..... I know what you mean about trying to be happy, upbeat, seem like the better choice. It's EXTREMELY difficult to be that, well at least it was for me, after all the hurt/betrayal, etc. he inflicted on me & my heart. It almost angered me. I guess what bothered me was I didn't have the affair, why am I fighting like hell to repair what's been done, you should be fighting to hang on to me and our marriage. He wasn't, which I guess tells me a lot. When I caught him on Friday with another woman, only then was it I'm ready to tell you everyting from the beginning, can't take this guilt, only I could screw up this bad, this isn't what I wanted, I still love you. Those words seems absolutely ridiculous to me. Ballsy even. I guess I'm hoping to hop off this rollercoaster and have some peace. I can only control me.
I hope that your H stops contact with the OW and realizes the damage it's doing. SO many are affected but they don't think about that, affairs are selfish. Stay strong, and if you need anything....at all please I'm right here for you. I understand what you feel.
