W called last night to check on how my Dad was doing. Hers and mine have serious health issues right now.
I asked if she could remember what hers had done to her and why none of them have not confronted him, and if they were hoping to get an apology from him before he died.
Wow-opened pandora's box there. Before it was all done though, I got to hear again of how it was really me that had screwed her up all these years, and not him. I listened, validated and listened some more. Did not get upset. After 20 minutes of just listening to the pain and deep anguish she is dealing with and has for many years, she suddenly had to get off the phone which was ok. She was almost hysterical in the crying and pain.
After listening to it I still believe the best thing I could do for her and me is to follow through with a divorce. On the flip side-the worst thing I could do for her is to follow through with a divorce.
On one hand it seems clear she could never really be a wife to me because of all the pain I have caused her. On the other, I think she would really feel deserted by me as I'm the only one she'll talk to about these things. I think she feels like she cannot afford to have IC, but won't take $ to do it. Like she wants to be stuck in her misery?
I am going to proceed as nicely as I can to follow up on HER filing and do what response is required of me, letting her know she can still talk and I'll listen, but the husband wife thing is going to have to be put waaay on the back burner, or taken off the stove altogether.
I feel for her deep anguish, but I cannot be sucked into it at the same time. It's complicated for sure.
