Doing my best, I think

[Bridgestone]

Ok, a couple of questions:

1) Communications we text each other everyday now to ask about each others days or if she is bored she text me whatever. Do I continue this after I move out or let her initiate all communications?

how's that been working for you??

2) We have been meeting for lunch about once every two to three weeks do I keep this up?

how's that been working for you??

quit chasing cheeseless tunnels

3) What about problems at the house do I go over and handle it or tell her to deal with it and I will check it out when I have my weekend/week at the house.

if it's a request that she has & it is not immediately affecting the value of the house (it is burning down or the toilet is running water all over the floor) get to it on your timeline WHEN IT"s GOOD for YOU. Let her miss you and learn to deal with a "tim-less" life.


You said in a later post that it would be difficult to have the kids more...because of only 2 of you in the office.
I think this is where I would concentrate my time & energy... find ANYWAY you can to juggle both so it is as close to 50/50 split as you can make it.

I have no doubt it will be hard & hard choices will have to be made between work, kids, possibly hiring a sitter/nanny for a few hours a week, but show her YOU CAN DO IT WITHOUT HER.

If you are texting her, taking her to lunch, fixing things at the house, she gets the kids 75% of the time.... what is she missing & how are things changing other than she now has more closet & bathroom counter space?

If you are leaving & separating.. then do it. One thing I wish I would have done sooner, was really 'left' him instead of taking pity on him & my co-depednecy kicking in and 'taking care' of things even from 20 miles away.

It's just within the past 4 months I've seen him heard him finally 'understand the consequences of both his actions & inactions'.

You can plan things out to the n-th degree (I do, I have, I will continue to.. it's not just a guy thing)

I've come to realize that 90% of what I worry about wouldn't have happened anyways.. despite my planning.. I am deluding myself that 'planning' makes good things happen & keeps bad things from happening. The ONLY thing I can control is me.

As WT said.. you have the support system... this separation is a hard, and sad choice to make on one hand...

on the other you are saving yourself, that is a celebration.
Frame your thoughts about it as you need to... feelings & actions will follow.

Peace
Bridge