Here's my story..midlife crisis/infidelity

[January girl]

I am sure there will things to do to the house after he is gone. Locks, paint, moving items around etc......when would be a better day to take off?

One day next week, I'm sure.

You have no idea how much help everyone here has been to me during and thru this....what I'm trying to say is "Thanks and keep it up." I really appreciate you (Ready2Change) chiming in on these issues.


I have to admit that I'm scared about the future. Can I maintain a house/family/schedule/my sanity? But I'm going with "just facing what is in front of me right now." Tonight will be our last night together in my house but truthfully H left me months ago. He walked away in my mind the first time he was "with" OW.

[Ready2Change]

...I really appreciate you (Ready2Change) chiming in on these issues.

Glad I was able to help.

Can I maintain a house/family/schedule/my sanity?

If I can, you can.

But I'm going with "just facing what is in front of me right now." Tonight will be our last night together in my house but truthfully H left me months ago. He walked away in my mind the first time he was "with" OW.

HUGS

Tonight will be a great time to shine and show H what he is walking away from.

A happy, confident, and sexy woman. Project this.

Want an easy way to project happy? Right now, think about something in the past. Think about something that made you really happy. Let that thought bring a big smile to your face. You should feel that smile in your eyes. This is a real smile.

From now one, whenever you feel like smiling, think that same thought and smile.

Want an easy way to project confidence? Smile and maintain eye contact.

And last of all, you always have a choice how you perceive things. I want to strongly suggest that you enjoy tonight. Do not think about the past. Do not worry about the future. Be right in the moment. Enjoy being alive and in the presence of another human......

Remember that everything will be OK.

HUGS

[flowmom]

I also know that I have to "get over" my hang-up about not letting S1 stay overnight.

My H and I have agreed that D3.5 is too young to stay overnight at his place. We both know she would be distressed. Even S6 hasn't stayed overnight at H's place and it's been a month. We are trying to keep things stable right now and that means sleeping in their beds and having me (the nighttime parent) present. H moving out is enough of a change for them.

[Awoken]

I have to admit that I'm scared about the future. Can I maintain a house/family/schedule/my sanity?

You can do it JG! ( I feel like a cheerleader, but I truly mean it)

From now one, whenever you feel like smiling, think that same thought and smile. smile

Want an easy way to project confidence? Smile and maintain eye contact.

And last of all, you always have a choice how you perceive things. I want to strongly suggest that you enjoy tonight. Do not think about the past. Do not worry about the future. Be right in the moment. Enjoy being alive and in the presence of another human......

Remember that everything will be OK.

What great advice this is. And, yes, everything will be ok.

[January girl]

The moving van was in the driveway when I got home last night which was hard to see. (I'm sure the neighbors will be calling in the next couple of days.) Last night I was calm, calm, calm. I did chores, packed bookbags and only cried once when my daughter cried while H was at the storage unit packing stuff into the van. I slept like a log when I went to bed at midnight. I think part of me is starting to feel a weight lifting off of my shoulders. I keep telling myself that H made his choice months ago when he cheated.

He told D9 this morning that he is sad too but he just hasn't been showing it....yeah right, he sure seems sad while smiling and packing like he's headed off on vacation. D9 didn't say a word on the way to school in the car this morning. I think she is processing all that is happening. I would really like to go home, put my head under the covers and cry for a couple of hours but I cannot because life goes on.

-JG

[Ready2Change]

Hi sweetie,

I can see how hard last night was for you. I am proud how you handled it. I know with absolute certainty that it is OK (and also very important) to cry with D9. Balance the tears you shed alone and with her. I bet it felt good to get some needed sleep. It also sounds like you are doing a good job dealing with H irresponsible actions.

I strongly suggest that you take time to cry when you get home (or after D9 is sleeping). The more tears the better. Stuffing the feelings is not healthy. You are D9 role model. Show her how to process all the emotions.

HUGS

[Awoken]

(((JanuaryGirl)))

I would really like to go home, put my head under the covers and cry for a couple of hours but I cannot because life goes on.

Go ahead, when you can, find some time for yourself and let it all out.

[January girl]

Ok, so I thought that the night before the move was hard but the hard night was last night-our first night without H. H stopped by to pick-up some left over stuff (at my suggestion) and D9 cried and cried and cried and hung on him in the garage to please take her with him for the night. He & I both had agreed previously that she is spending tonight (Friday) at his apartment with him. She needed to be at home last night to study for her tests today AND I'm sure his apartment was a wreck because he hasn't completely unpacked yet.

He was visibly shaken by her outburst...I just stood-by and hugged her and told her it was ok to cry and it WAS sad. I was however firm in holding to what we had previously agreed upon. I believe that she was overtired and a bit ticked off from having to help me with S1 & chores when we got home. The truth of the matter is that I work full time, and have a part time "home based/direct sales" business which I haven't tended to much in the last 24 months. I'm a busy gal so she has to help with some of the chores...that's just the way it is. We did have some good quality time together once S1 got to bed at 8 pm.

I explained to her that once I get him "down for the night" that she and I will have time to visit/study/spend fun time together which we did get to last night. She has a speech meet at school today so we studied for that. Also after talking she explained that she "was mad at me for letting Daddy go but that now she understands that it wasn't what I wanted but what he wanted." I think she understands now that he has issues to work on and that I didn't push him out.

I talked on the phone last night to an old good guy friend who has been thru MLC/depression and he gave me some good insight into the sadness and "wrong turns" that guys in my H's position do. It's funny but even though he & I haven't seen each other in years I have always felt like he and his wife are strong supporters of my H and I. They followed along with us as we went thru all our infertility troubles thru the years. I know they will be praying for us.

H is at our office this morning for a meeting. Here is what I don't get-why is he still wearing his wedding ring? Don't get me wrong, I'm not going to obsess over it but I do find it odd. I am holding my head high and smiling this morning. It was very quiet and peaceful in our house last night. I haven't had peace in so long that I forgot what it felt like.

[luvless]

(((JG)))

I'm sorry...must have ripped your heart out to see your D go through that. It was very good of you to explain it was your husband's choice and not yours to go.

My H is in a MLC too so I feel you. We can't speculate why he is still wearing his ring..could be guilt..could be any reason.

I'm so glad to hear you had a peaceful night. I'm hoping to get there soon.

ps...can you put your H/W info years married in your signature? it's easier to keep track of sitch that way.

[Awoken]

(((JG)))

Just checking in on you. I know it's been a hard weekend for you.

How are you holding up?